:: the engebretson ridiculo/theolo-post ::

"a softer way" to say things

2012-01-26T12:19:00.006-06:00

so a few weeks ago i was sick and down for the count one saturday. that's when i happended upon the first season of 'gold rush' on netflix, a discovery channel series about a bunch of men/families who sold pretty much all they had to strike it rich mining for gold in alaska. i've only seen the first season, but the one thing they don't advertise (and should) is that these men are(/were?) fundamentally incompetent in all things mining. the dad had mined at some point in his past, but it's a disaster all the way through. it's really funny.

("the softer way" boss)

apparently i have a penchant for incompetence on tv shows. on the opposite side of the political/cultural spectrum of those making tv shows about things they know very little about is 'whale wars.' i watched this show on a similar study hiatus when i was not feeling well a couple years back. in that show, rather than a bunch of men wanting to strike it rich for themselves, these whale warriors (funded by bob barker) were desirous to save the whales. both groups utterly incompetent.

i say the networks should advertise these things because it's really what makes the shows. there's nothing better than families selling all they have in a down time because they have visions of grandeur that there's much money in gold...in the ground...way below the top layer of soil. or on the other side of the globe, in the water there's nothing funnier than a bunch of granola kids setting off on a high seas adventure with a washed-out widely unknowledgeable green (err, grayish/blueish...for the whales) guru.

while the the 'boss' of the gold mining group (shown above) admits time and again that he has no clue what he's doing in the mining business, he does however possess a wide array of humorous phraseology. my favorite. he says "frick." a lot. it's funny because it's just so absolutely random and uncommon to hear this variation. ...well unless your around seminaries and bible colleges and such. it's just not amongst the common parlance of the day, if you know what i'm saying.

recently he was asked about his verbal oddities. below i offer his what-should-not-have-been-surprising reply:

"I've always said 'frick'. My roommate and I started saying it while we were at bible college,...We obviously couldn't swear there. It's just a softer way of saying the 'F' word."

downton abbey who?!
-scott|e.

white out on black out day.

2012-01-18T10:13:00.000-06:00

as we've been telling Ella, abc's are important.

i need to explain something before i post what i'm about to post. i don't watch bill o'reilly. as i have lamented in the past, we don't have cable so i don't watch much of anything beyond the standards...and a little KET here and there.

having said that, i would like to say on this blackout day that my previous lack of sports has been nicely remedied thanks to the internet. the fact that espn would air a national title game on its cable station instead of its abc counterpart is not my fault. contact your local representatives.

back to foxnews. i have no idea who bernie goldberg is, but this clip had me laughing. here's bill o'reilly educating goldberg on his whiteness and on ice cube.

the best part is that i'm pretty sure bernie, after being corrected, kept calling ice cube "ice q" as though he realized his mistake.

i conclude with the only other thought i had while watching this video. from cube's perspective, the only positive that one can take from this is that goldberg didn't say "one of the iconic figures in african-american culture and music." in the recess of my mind, one of ice cube's lyrics has been lodged for perpetuity... i can only assume his immediate response would have been: "calling me an afircan-american, like everything is fair again. bleeeeeeeep"?

if you want the full context of the clip, here's a link. but the shorter version is more humorous to me.
-scott|e.

advent >> hope and chocolate

2011-12-23T15:47:00.002-06:00

here's a little advent window into Ella's and my world for the last 23 days. enjoy. happy Christmas.

by the way, i also think we have uncovered the origin of Ella's growling...see, roughly the 45 second mark.
-scott|e.

advent >> the infancy we adore.

2011-12-11T20:55:00.001-06:00

i promise i'm not an angry little elf. but for this advent installment i do want to speak with a level of soberness that may be better reserved for a lenten season, but forward i go nonetheless.

one of my more quasi-embarrassing moments in israel this past summer came as i was standing under the shadow of the southwestern point of the temple mount. there we were walking through some classic archaeological sites when i blurted out, "i can't believe we're walking where benjamin mazar did his work" (google him if necessary). coincidentally, it is also the area where Jesus walked and did His work, but my thoughts were apparently somewhere else. the israel trip was a three-week intensive course that was not intended to leverage our emotions; thus, i think my mazar statement made my prof. proud, but it left me realizing two things: 1) apparently i really have ascended into the realm of being a real life ph.d. student and 2) at some point during the trip, i needed to shift my thoughts in other directions, at least once.

on another day, we were standing on the mount of olives (i took the pic above). Carl Rasmussen, our teacher, had just painted a brief but heavy picture of God's saving work throughout the history of His people. they were words that i had heard before...they were words that i had uttered before. but that morning, as we stood looking over the city, his words - their truth - were loaded with all the spiritual freight in the world for me. it wasn't emotional, i was just locked in and getting it.

after he shared, we scattered. we took our pictures. because it was still early in our three weeks, we marveled. there's much to process standing in these places. a few of us talked. i don't remember how we got to the particular place in the conversation, but the phrase from Hebrews 9:14 - how much more... - just kept rattling around in my mind as i looked over the city.

as we looked over the valley, the temple that had served as the place of God's presence among His people was gone, but ironically the story was coming alive. this was the place where God's people came to sacrifice, to worship, and to receive forgiveness.

i should add here because it will be important throughout, when we talk of salvation/forgiveness/etc. in the old testament we are not talking about some sort of defunct form of divine salvation/forgiveness/etc. it almost sounds stupid to say, but God's forgiveness in the old testament was forgiveness. and, without denying that people from time to time skewed the graciousness of divine action, when people came seeking forgiveness and salvation in the ways that God had established for them to do so i think they received it.

now, before we get too far down the road, i want to affirm what the book of Hebrews has to say about Christ's coming as it relates to all that i just said above. the significance of Christ's coming and His ministry mean that for the people of God something much more is now available in Christ that was not previously so before His advent.

but what is this "much more" of which we speak? what does it look like in the life of a believer? and if you feel that i have created some sort of a "much more" abstraction that is too broad or broader that the passage is really getting at, fine. but what then is the "much more" that provides a clean conscience through the blood of Christ, by the work of the Holy Spirit? whatever it is it's not just some kind of mental thing. read hebrews 10. then ask yourself why is it that this cleansing is also inherently linked to service? and one more - why is it that when you delve ever so slightly into the original, you find an implied ability to distinguish right and wrong in this term? is this "how much more" simply the a clean conscience and the mental capacity to tell (others!) right from wrong?

honestly, i have an agenda in this post. i don't know if i will be able to put my finger on it clearly enough, but my basic concern is a church (Christ's church, the church with which i am honored to be part) that is missing the "more" and thereby excusing or even inviting "less"...maybe even less than was available through the grace of God in the old testament. maybe the last question above encapsulates my fears best - Christ's church seems plagued with the desire to have clean consciences, but wants little, if anything, to do with categories that imagine anything beyond.

i think some of my issue goes back to what i started discussing above: a misconception of grace, faith, and forgiveness before Christ's coming. i fully understand what is meant when we hear the following: "everything in the Old Testament points to Christ." but i wonder if, in our constant regurgitation of such theological and easy axioms, we miss the reality behind statements like those found in john 1 or colossians 1:15-17. if Christ truly was already at work and/or participating in creation and redemption prior to bethlehem, i guess i want to decipher what people mean when they say "everything points to Christ." because i agree with the general statement...but these words were to Him as the fulfillment, not merely as substitute.

was God's work before Christ's birth somehow deficient? again, certainly not as full as when the fullness of time emerges. what is often implied (both intentionally and accidentally) is that before Christ, God's grace was somehow substandard. but think on that a bit: what exactly does the substandard grace of God look like? partial forgiveness? partial grace? again, we can say it certainly wasn't as clear prior to Christ's arrival...but let's not say it is anything less than what it actually was for the people. was God's forgiveness, which was so richly dispersed throughout the pages of the old testament, only a 49.49% kind of divine forgiveness?

are you tracking with me? let's use a specific. what was it that David was pleading for in psalm 51? were his prayers for forgiveness answered? certainly David's prayer serves as a kind of model for us now...everybody gets that. but did he or did he not receive forgiveness from God? and, if his prayers were answered (which the Bible seems to suggest they were), would we really want to say it was only some marginal form of God's grace and forgiveness at work?

at this point, some of you may be wondering why this is important. can't the old testament guy stop belaboring the point. i'm belaboring simply because i believe that if we miss the reality of God's saving work in the old testament - which included His forgiveness, His presence, His protection, His righteousness, and His holiness - we'll have no way of celebrating the full ramifications of Christ's coming and the "how much more" embedded in His life and ministry.

i think this is observed in the fact that the same people who prone to argue that everything in the old testament points to Christ with relentless rigidity (i.e. having no biblical insight that God's work among His people might have been effective before that holy night), are the same ones who are going to reduce Christ's life, death, and resurrection to a second act of hope deferred. why is it that the same folks who assert that everything in the old testament pointed to Christ are also the ones that have a penchant to defer the possibility of radical obedience to Christ's radical call on us to His second coming or our death? something just doesn't make sense. the long awaited Messiah, who the Scriptures pointed to, who the people longed for, arrives...but...but...for real victory, those who become His disciples must now await His second coming or, even more oddly, death, our final enemy? this is the victory of Christ's coming? His life, His cross, and His resurrection...boils down to hope deferred, again? surely not. and yes, there is a hope deferred in the not yet of His return, but if you're focusing on that and missing my point thus far, stop reading because it's only going to get worse.

here's a recent advent link as an example of what i'm talking about. particularly take notice of the part dealing with the lyrics of 'joy to the world.' first, i in no way want to minimize the reality and depth of the pain that this lady is speaking to. but i couldn't disagree more with where she goes with it.

of course the "effects of sin have infiltrated every part of creation." of course "when Jesus came the first time, earth did not receive her king but instead hung him on a cross." and yes, "even after his death and resurrection, sin and sorrow still grow, and the thorny effects of the curse remain." but what about those in whom Christ has wrought His new creation? what about me? what about you? what exactly is this "new" faux-creation? merely forgiveness? yea...definitely that. but it seems David (and many others in the Old Testament) got that too.

then, take note of how the article wiggles psalm 98 free from reality. can it be used to talk about Christ's first coming? definitely. mr. watts has done a rather nice job with this one. can it be used to speak of His second coming? i would say so. but do not miss that this was an expression of faith for those living centuries before Christ about who this God was and would be for them in their historical circumstances. they knew their God to be faithful...who would judge the world with righteousness (and had in fact brought about this judgment on their behalf on various occasions). what i am simply trying to say is that the israelites experienced God's faithfulness, righteousness, and salvation - they declared it over and over again. did they know it as deeply as what is now available through the life and work of Christ? as a Christian and as one who believes the paramount significance in the coming of the Messiah, i would say, no...but that doesn't make their awareness insignificant. in fact, it makes their confessional posture all the more demanding on those who place their hope in Christ. are we experiencing the "how much more"?

this is my point.

make no mistake in what i am saying. as Christians, there are places of weakness, infirmities, and idiosyncrasies which we may never get over; areas where the weight of depravity cannot be altered in the world that surrounds us; "genetic codes" that will remain out of order and unchanged; the possibility for environmental disaster; among other manifold places where we have little control over others. but the moment these true statements alleviate us from thinking the grander thoughts, namely, that when Christ showed up on the scene He offered so much more than what the world formerly knew as it pertained to the love of God, the grace of God, the faithfulness of God, and the righteousness of God (and on we could go), we have done a disservice to the work of God in this world and to Christ's message of salvation fulfilled.

it seems a majority of Christians have determined - without Scriptural warrant - that the fundamental and primary work of Christ's redemption is forgiveness. but, as i've been trying to get at above, beyond being free from the rigmarole and the perceived weight of God's law, i just can't see how the "how much more" in Christ is all that much more when this is the case. sure, as Hebrews says, He was the perfect sacrifice and no more will the sacrificial system of the old testament be necessary - he was offered once for all. and while we enjoy imagining our lives are fully influenced by the glory of Christ, in reality, i'm afraid, we've exchanged His glorious work of full redemption for our lack of obedience in word, thought, and deed on a daily basis.

the sick thing in all of this is that we've come to a place where i'll be the one accused of harming the faith because i am unwilling to allow that forgiveness is the only thing that springs from the work of God in and through Christ. or i'll be accused of somehow undercutting the new testament because i've affirmed the actuality that God's forgiveness and saving work in the old testament is necessary to understand if we are to understand Christ's ministry and His invitation into the "how much more."

forgiveness is initial and, undeniably, a constant in the Christian life. but is there nothing more? i guess something that i've been taking for granted here is that God's work in the old testament offered so much more than what most of us realize. the whole problem with the golden calf in exodus 32 was that it thwarted and/or jeopardized the possibility of God's abiding presence that would become clear in exodus 40. the whole sacrificial system was God's way (His established means of grace...again actual grace) of offering His people the possibility for fellowship. that's significant.

but when our only, or even riskier, our primary focus of Jesus' coming and work is forgiveness, then we Christians have neglected a vital component of the "how much more."

as i stood there on the mount of olives, overlooking that sacred place where so many had found God faithful in the past - prior to Christ's coming - i was reminded again just how deep His love delved and was clarified in advent. yet far too often we act like the only benefit is that we don't have to hassle with the burdens of the old testament. but then we bump into the burdens of faithfulness as described in the new testament and push off the full ramifications of Christ's work until His second coming or heaven because it's just easier that way.

if that's where we are overtly (as a theological rubric) or subtlety (just because it's the path of least spiritual resistance), i don't think it's a stretch to claim with the writer of Hebrews that the only infancy we are adoring this advent would be our own.

be not a baby in a spiritual manger. but grow up in Christ and seek the full measure of grace available. i think we will discover that it certainly "flows as far as the curse is found." undoubtedly, we will bump up against those places where sin and depravity seem unmovable, but even at these places, cultivate the ground for God's grace and we may be as surprised as they were on that first night of the Messiah's arrival.
-scott|e.

advent >> the resiliency of getting from here to there

2011-11-29T17:21:00.001-06:00

in all my years of graduate school...in all the many fall semesters, i am sad to declare that i've never really been able to master the advent season.

now, please do not mistake what i have just said for anything less than what it actually is. every year, without fail, i do what i have done since i was first exposed to athanasuis' on the incarnation during my first year of seminary - i start reading through his work. "start" is the operative word, of course...in fact, i've probably only completed it a few times during this season, but it has its standard place in my advent repertoire and even if it is merely a paragraph, that has been a kind and orienting presence. beyond that, even if only in abbreviated forms, i/we - on my own before Hannah's advent into my life, and then as a couple, or now as a family - have always done some advent celebration in the weeks leading up to Christmas. advent beckons us. but, while these things are true, my initial declaration is truer. advent for the last many years has always felt condensed. or hijacked. or not nearly as important as it should be.

but honestly, i doubt i'm much alone in this feeling.

since this is my last semester (read: my last attempt to achieve an adequate advent in my seminary days), i've decided to write one reflective blog each week (my times is running out!). these won't necessarily intersect with the traditional themes of advent, but they are those things which have come (or are coming) to the fore of my advent experience and hope.

so, here goes. number one.

this past weekend, we were home for thanksgiving and attended church with my mom. honestly, it had not dawned on me that since Christmas is on a sunday this year advent was set to start so "early." needless to say, this was not a good start toward the adequate. i was on my way to drop the daughter off at the nursery when i heard the choir practicing some Christmas songs. advent had sprung on me.

a few days ago, i wrote a tweet about Christ.

[my first aside: i have no idea why such a statement (i.e. "i wrote a tweet about Christ"...about the messiah of the world) makes me chuckle. but it does.]

my onehundredandfortycharacters: "can we ever 'jump the gun' on the celebration of the advent? doesn't that kinda reverse the reality of what has actually occurred in Christ"

i wrote that pondering how the bride's sinister influence had taken it's toll on me this year. for whatever the reason, she has been relentless, incessant, and persistent with her desire to start decorating for and listening to the songs of Christmas far earlier than any reasonable person should. i'm sure it has nothing to do with having an aware two-year-old running around. so there i was, listening to Christmas music a week and a half before THANKSGIVING. sinister, i say.

but back to this idea of an "early" advent. from that first night, Christ's coming has a penchant to spring up on us. for Mary - although prepared - it comes out of nowhere. then this unexpected One seems to capture or plead for (or demand) our attention.

again, i think that's the way it was with Mary that first noel. surprise.

you know the story in luke 1:26-38. the angel shows up and declares to this young girl, "you're favored and God is with you." this is good news...but. on the surface, this is the news i'd imagine any number of us would love to hear. but if scriptures taught God's s people anything, it's that this surface level is rarely a rest stop when God shows up. so rather than rejoicing or taking some other course of action, Mary is greatly troubled. perplexed. confused.

the divine messenger tries to console her be reaffirming her favored status...and, "oh yea, by the way your virginity is but a technicality and you're going to have a son who is going to sit on a throne and fulfill what you think has been a covenant promise in hibernation." consolation? her initial intuition is validated. i'd be troubled too. not to mention confused and a bit perplexed. so she asks for some clarification on the virginity technicality...but Gabe's response doesn't make things any simpler. the only tangible thing she is given to hold on to is a pregnant Elizabeth. but pregnant by a man. and although she's old and has been barren, this miracle just doesn't have the same feel as the overshadowing of the Holy Spirit.

and yet, Mary asserts (confesses?) i'm the Lord's servant - let it be so.

so, the overarching question that emerges in my mind as i read this passage is this: what accounts for the space between "greatly troubled" and "let it be according to your word"? what is it that moves a person from the uneasy intrusion of the divine word spoken to the quintessential portrait of obedience?

first, what it isn't. based on this passage (and so many others) God does not always bring the level of clarity humanity so often requires...or, to put a more pleasant face on it, requests. God is under no obligation to make things make more sense. he's not required to make our obedience easier. of course He does at times, but these moments should only make us thankful rather than entitled.

so why does Mary respond as she does? what allows a person to move from being greatly troubled to rugged faithfulness? i wish i had an easy and tangible answer. something that we could hold onto through the advent season to enable us and/or help us make this move.

but the reality is, it's not easy. but there are two areas where i think this connects and both zero in on the necessity for God's people to possess and pray for a resilient faith:

1) her faithfulness to God - to conceive a child in her womb by the Holy Spirit's overshadowing - most certainly would have been confronted by accusations of unfaithfulness from an otherwise believing community but who were unaware of the angel's visit. maybe even disgust and derision came Mary's way. a few months ago i had a guy tell me that God never asks us to do irrational things. i got his point and still get it. but try telling that to an engaged Mary? or trying to convince a good deal of the prophets that God never asks for that which is unreasonable.

so, the move through the space between is not easy. but that doesn't get us much of anywhere past the space between either. over the years one of the things that continues to mark me is the resiliency that faith requires. how many times has God asked the impossible of me? how many times has He asked me to insert myself into a hopeless situation where i know that in the midst of the messiness of humanity and interpersonal relationships things are going to be misinterpreted? neglected? or made worse simply because i'm trying to be faithful?

imagine Mary trying to convince her community that what was growing in her belly was the result of the Spirit. sure. sometimes people don't always get faithfulness. if we're going to get to the point of "let it be so," resiliency is required nonetheless.

2) the second area that requires a persistently rebounding faith may be more implicit rather than explicit from this passage. it's the resiliency of facing God's intrusion at every level of our lives, not just the Mary-esque miraculous. such faith is not only needed in trying to comprehend that an angel has just told you: "You will conceive and give birth to a son...He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High." it's also required in the everyday call - the sometimes difficult call - to obedience, which requires that we come to grip with ourselves. coming to grip with one's self requires resiliency.

recently, i was talking with a close friend about the struggles of living within God's radical call on our lives in very practical ways. what do we do as Christians when we realize places that are unlike Christ in our lives? in our relationships? in our attitudes?

how many times has the Spirit intruded on my life with troubling clarity about a specific issue, an attitude, or an anything. these can be harsh realities for some of us to encounter. why is it that all too often our first instinct is to recoil or try to soften that piercing word? why must we try every angle of interpretive genius in order to ease the otherwise unbending instructions in Scripture? why must we incessantly attempt to make ourselves somehow less offensive in God's eyes? in all our endeavors, somewhere deep within the recesses i/we know.

so, we either run away or toward. if we're ever going to move from here to there in the sense that we've been talking about, it must be toward...with all of it's accompanying unease.

i guess what i'm trying to say is this: what it comes down to - and what is crucial - is how we receive God's word. Christ's intrusion. it will take a good measure of faithful resiliency to traverse the space between. two intermingling realities are necessary: first, even though His words can be troubling, we must affirm (confess) that in the coming of Christ there is the capacity to move us forward - be that healing, a remedy for our brokenness, or something else; and second, we must be done with acting like God's call on our lives is somehow untroubling and decide if we're willing for our lives to be inconvenienced.

happy advent. be resilient in your faith.
-scott|e.

liturgy gets a bad rap.

2011-10-11T10:33:00.002-05:00

no political commentary here, which can't always be promised.

...on the other hand, i'll let you decide if i retrieved the video below from a favored political site (i.e. amusingly wondering about the overall sense of the chant) or, if i am now frequenting occupy wall street sites looking for inspiration. but again, no political commentary on this one. so let your minds run free wondering which of the above is true.

first, watch the video (listening not required).

a simple thought struck me after watching this video. no, not the incoherency of the chant. but that liturgy gets a bad rap. the whole outdated "let's join our heart and minds in unison" deal has fallen on hard times. but people seem to have something inherent in them that, at the very least, has a propensity toward such things. they even clap for it. even when it's incoherent. even when the one shepherding them has come unprepared and has to repeat a line multiple times to come up with the next anticlimactic and incoherent phrase.

now, i am, of course, not suggesting bad liturgy - i.e. that which is unprepared and/or incoherent - is a good in and of itself. people who get caught up in their propensities for a moment, will eventually come to discover emptiness. but liturgy doesn't have to be empty.

anyway.
-scott|e.

quite sad, you see.

2011-10-07T20:13:00.002-05:00

i'm currently in the process of writing an article for a forthcoming bible dictionary.

yes, my mom is super proud. i'm sure in the deep unspoken recesses of her heart this is but the launching pad to becoming the next lucado (and if you didn't laugh about that....you have missed my humor). for others, the thought that i will soon be published is...well, a conundrum.

but i've got no other way to describe the process than...sad. i was asked to write this article, in an area and on a topic not my own, with a very quick turn around time. i, of course, said yes (just because i wanted my mother to fawn and to be impressive). anyway, it was supposed to be submitted today...but i'm still writing tonight.

it's unfortunate that i'm not yet finished....sad really.

my topic - the sadducees.
i'm a witty little fella.
-scott|e.

spiriutal pieces: goodbyes and another advent of something new.

2011-10-05T12:41:00.002-05:00

goodbyes are always something. sometimes good. sometimes not so...but regardless they are something. some goodbyes feel significant and yet they're not really goodbyes.

a number of years ago, in this space, i was lamenting what 30 would mean. it came and went. but one of the areas of loss i was dealing with at that time, perhaps for the first time, was the end of delirious?, a band that had been rather significant for me post-1997. with delirious? it was sort of an odd couple. give or take, i'm probably into 73% of their songography. now, that impact of that 73% cannot be overestimated. the lyrics, the music...the whole package still captures me.

but the other 27% was more of an unfortunate personal preference (unfortunate on my part, i'm sure), with roughly 2% of it going into the category of just not getting it. as for the personal preference, there are times i really enjoy the whole notion of some kind of blended pop-ish rocking out. but give me the mello, the emotional, the arising, the acoustic, the stripped down and i'll be fully satisfied. with delirious? i could overlook the pop and the harder stuff because i had been led by them over and over and, for that reason, "i knew" them...and trusted them. so, if they wanted to discuss "heads spinning" and "the world spinning around," i wasn't necessarily into it, but i just figured they were delivering a message to some other set of personal preferences. it's the same with the stuff i didn't get. i mean, if they wanted to talk about being an "eagle rider," splendid...i wasn't interested, but i was more than willing to listen to the first five seconds of such songs, or however long it took me to press the "back" button to repeat "love will find a way" one more time.

late last night i was reminded via twitter that the Dave Crowder Band...wait, i mean the Dave Crowder*Band...had released a Christmas album - their second to last project. (the via twitter bit is just a funny to say. yes, while i was away i started a twitter account. it's much like my blogging, i.e. nobody reads it. but it doesn't require as much thought or time and i get instant updates of daily book deals)

now, admittedly, i haven't been listening to crowder all that much the past couple of years. living in wilmore with no commute and a two year old who requires 'praise baby' puts a damper on lengthy listening to anything. but they remain close to who i am, in some sense who i have become, and what i enjoy about Christian music...thoughtful, creative and worship-oriented. crowder would probably be around 94-96%. though i haven't been enthralled in their albums of late, the news of their imminent end was saddening and feels like another change.

here's why:

it was may 20, 2000. this little known thing called oneday happened at the shelby farm in memphis, tennessee. i don't remember all the details of how i got there, but i still remember it all being last minute. a group of friends from another college were going and i joined. when i attended that...event?! (which it was) my heart was still radically captivated by Christ's love and by His still recent work in my heart. although it didn't come as a surprise, i was all but unaware of the wounds that would be inflicted on that heart through death and all sorts of loss just two weeks later on june 4, 2000.

not two minutes ago i hung up the phone with my mom to make sure i wasn't losing it and misremembering the date my dad's death. much of the ensuing days and weeks after june 4 remain a fog. i knew oneday happened in the same chronological vicinity, and, for that reason, have always said how crucial and stabilizing that experience was. but i seriously had no recollection of it happening just two weeks before my dad's passing. kind of makes me laugh about the "how" and "last minute" part.

but that's where i was introduced to the dave crowder band (pre-* and even found they had gone by another name previously, the ubc band). because of dr. Mac's influence on me i had a growing penchant for hymns, but it was Crowder who sealed it - come thou fount...more particularly, , the hidden track on the 'all i can say' album, #34...which doesn't begin until 3:40. i still remember that dude walking around the oneday masses with his guitar as his backpack.

after the summer of hell, i got back to cincinnati disillusioned and broken. and everybody knew it...and i did too. the only other thing i knew was that there was, in the midst of everything changing from what i had known it to be in my first three years of life in Christ and the visual unease that such things brought with it, an undergirding that was taking place that i was grasping for and grappling with.

so as i grasped, i turned to crowder and this newish thing called the internet. pre-google i don't even know how i found the ubc project, but i did. and when i did, i don't even recall any fear of an turning over my credit card number to the much less safe worldwide web. i still remember getting that package in the mail. "you alone." "how long, how wide." the more original, stripped down - and better - version of "come and listen." through the music, i came, i listened. hell still raged on, but i was reminded over and over again just how long and how deep.

after that it was just a steady succession of albums that captured my attention. in no particular order: "can you hear us?" "collision." live napster downloads (....haha). "remedy." "illuminate." and "church music."

i still remember driving my prayer route in jackson sometime in the fall of 2002. yet another moment i can't believe was nine years ago...not because i'm going through a midlife crisis...but because i'm still in the blue sunfire weeping because i too needed words.

as i get ready to say goodbye, here are the words that immediately come to mind: inspiring, reminding, creative, and stabilizing.

well, anyway, after Hannah had gone to bed, i bought that album and listened. there as i sat in the quiet, reading leviticus (just because i'm like that), and listening to Christmas music at the beginning of october, i was again captivated. kind of a generic term? sure. but i was drawn into "let earth receive her king"...for the briefest of moments, crowder and crew had me again.

i'll soon miss the newness of getting one of their just released albums and wading my way through it. but this goodbye, while it surely suggests i keep getting older, the band's music will maintain the possibility to move me toward the one they have always sung of...now, during the coming advent and those that will follow.

i had forgotten how therapeutic blogging was.
-scott|e.

the subtlety of senior-itis

2011-09-30T13:18:00.001-05:00

"i will miss the dreams in my head, more than i will miss the way it was."

one of the things about people who are engaging is that they have the capacity to remain engaging even after you've been around them for some time. just when you feel like you've heard everything they have to say...just when you feel like you've digested their content and could articulate it yourself (and even own it as your own!)...and just when you feel like you've come to expect what's next, they launch a curve ball your way.

this semester is my last semester ever of course work. now, one caveat: depending on how things go, there may be more courses ahead for various reasons - for instance, ordination stuff, but that will be different. this is it. a major hurdle will be behind us come christmas. saying that and even writing that here is something... on top of that, because i did a course in israel over the summer, this last semester consists of only 5 hours and two classes, both with dr. John Oswalt: one hebrew grammar independent study and the other is his 'myth and history' class - the second course is his baby. even better, it's as though in this semester my graduate education comes full circle. although i am putting in tons of additional reading and focusing on a project that will hopefully set a trajectory for my dissertation, i've already taken the 'myth and history' class while i was at wbs. so, let's just say i know this stuff.

...but back to being engaged. last night in class we were talking about the biblical creation account and dr. Oswalt said something that caught my attention - "Genesis 3 does not say the serpent was the most evil creature, but the most subtle." for the purposes of this course that line possesses all sorts of connotations, but for me the surface level reality of that statement sunk in.

the most subtle indeed. in the file folder of this blog i have a half written (and poorly so) entry telling of all the great stuff God has done in our lives throughout the last nine or so months. just a lot of renewal and a lot of fun things happening in our lives and hearts. honestly, i think some of it has to do with the fact that i am finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel (i.e. did i mention it was my last semester of coursework?!). but i've been telling people for a bit now, that we've been dreaming again. dreaming about the future. what's next. how this long, meandering road is going to find its completion in God's ministry for our lives.

but at the same time that we've been experiencing the renewal and the opportunity to begin dreaming again, there's also that nagging reality of what, for lack of a better way to describe it, i might call my fifth senior-itis... while we've been able to dream, we're still stuck. we've been able to dream, but i'm still facing exams. while we see the light, there are more tunnels ahead... lots of questions about what's ahead. these moments require a significant amount of discipline (in which i don't excel) to forge ahead while you're trying to figure out what's just past that which is ahead. what happens after finals this semester? if nothing, what happens after qualifying exams in june? it's a liminal space right on the verge...but not yet.

the past few weeks have consisted of the subtly blasé. the dreams have stopped. looking ahead has been replaced with looking down. i can't put my finger on it...and maybe that's why i'm trying here.

i wonder if one of the great subtleties of the evil one is the distraction from our God given dreams. sometimes it feels that way. it's in these moments when we've got to figure out how to dream in the midst of the blasé....to keep focus on the potential of what is ahead.

it's been too long.
-scott|e.

i certainly don't want to make light of things...

2011-03-09T14:28:00.005-06:00

as i read my title back to myself, because you all know me, i feel it incumbent upon myself to make a brief disclaimer: that was not sarcasm. i really don't want to make light of the situation in libya.

so with that being said, you've got to check this dude out:

this dude is a perfect mix between someone coming straight out of the thunderdome and finding himself in plot of 'red dawn.'

heavy.
-scott|e.

the general slide toward "then"

2011-03-03T08:03:00.008-06:00

not a lot of time, but a lot of thoughts. been reading in 1 kings today. here's the line that struck me:

אָז֩ יִבְנֶ֨ה שְׁלֹמֹ֜ה בָּמָ֗ה לִכְמוֹשׁ֙ שִׁקֻּ֣ץ מוֹאָ֔ב
a translation: "then Solomon built a high place to chemosh, the abomination of moab."

it's always shocking to read such lines. i guess that's the problem - in some ways it is shocking but in others it's not. on one level it comes out of nowhere...but it really doesn't. the general slide toward a similar "then" is like that. shocking, but not really. out of nowhere, but been around lingering for too long.

i've got a lot of thoughts on this, but simply i just wanted to throw it out there because that's where i've been reading today and thinking over the last week or so. the starkness and yet the dullness of this "then" struck me.
-scott|e.

imagine no liberals...

2011-01-10T18:09:00.004-06:00

i just can't seem to string much together by way of posting here. but i have some fun ideas and thoughts just waiting to be articulated in this format. ...but it's the time that's killing me.

anyway, as i'm sure most of you are aware of what's been going on in the aftermath of arizona shootings. since it is not the fault of global warming, the blame for such horrific acts must be placed upon the next based scapegoat - because it's always someone else to blame in addition to the person who is out of his mind - so let's blame the conservatives. they like guns. ...unfortunately it it not enough for most to simply say someone is out of their mind.

if you can remember the last time i posted something of a political nature here, you should know something about my beliefs since then. they haven't changed - i'm an engebretson. so in the midst of what looks to be a fairly laid back j-term class i'm home tonight browsing some political sites that i enjoy.

that's when i came across an article entitled 'sometimes a tragedy is just a tragedy' on the weekly standard. and yes, i agree with the gist of the title. the only problem: i never got past the fifth paragraph.

here's why in picture form:

notice the advertisement in the second pic. if you can't read it, the gal's t-shirt says "imagine no liberals." although i don't agree with the thoughtless attempts to score political points in the first few seconds after a tragedy, this is - if nothing else - ironic.

-scott|e.

LUKE-ACTS #1: an anthology of repentance (turning toward & within the house)

2010-10-25T22:28:00.033-05:00

i recall, almost as if it were yesterday, my first holiness conference at wesley biblical seminary. on the first morning of that event, pres. Ron Smith was giving the devotional from Luke 15 on the prodigal son. there's no telling how many times i've re-listened to that message since 2001. it's hard to get over something that so reorients one's attention. a mutual friend of ours once said - and i think correctly - "pres." has the ability to make those listening raise their heads: first, you never want to miss what he's saying, but simultaneously, when you hear him preach heads raise with the hope of the Gospel. that was the way of his "devotional" that morning. it continues to linger, to press in ...even nine years later now.

he led us through what he called an "anthology of grace" that he saw intertwined within those verses. they, of course, highlight a Father in grief over the loss of a son, but the beauty of that same Father who takes the posture of one on the lookout for that son's return, and in the end only wants his children to know that everything in his house is available to them ("all that is mine is yours").

i should have known it was going to be a heavy morning when what he said before he even began preaching hit me. he started by saying something to the effect that there are passages so sacred within God's story and so widely shared that it's hard for a mortal tongue to broach such immortal subjects - there was a genuine humility about it all. that's where i'm at as i write. this semester - because my greek was deemed to not to intermediate - i'm taking a course on the Luke-Acts corpus. it's been good and so i've decided to share a few things with you here and there. hopefully they will probe a bit.

now, you should know two things. first, for the first installment of what may be the only one, i am going to enter into Luke 15 with a view toward the wider context. but second, even more of a concern than tinkering in such profound stories, i'm all the more uneasy because when i brought up the following thoughts in class, my prof. liked it but quickly said "i'd be careful there though, you might be allegorizing"...which in seminary-speak is a nice way to say, "good thoughts, but i think you're making it up." nobody wants to be an allegorist!

so, on that note, let's commence.

first off let's set the context up a bit - which is important to stymie the thoughts that i'm inappropriately "tinkering" or allegorizing just to be provocative. the chapter begins with Jesus eating with the tax collectors and sinners. the pharisees, as they all too often do, have issue with such ill-religious behavior. now keep in mind, back in the day, they probably weren't eating at the local applebees, if you know what i'm saying. eating was an important event in Jesus' time and generally happened in a home. admittedly, the text doesn't say it specifically but it wouldn't be out of line to presume Jesus and all the bad people (that was kind of a joke about the sinners and tax collectors) are eating in somebody's house.

...and the pharisees are grumbling.

so Jesus responds to this grumbling with three stories: one about sheep in the wilderness; one about coins in a home; and the other about two sons, a homecoming, some more grumbling, and the father.

you may be wondering why i have highlighted "grumbling" and "wilderness" above. do you think it is a coincidence that these aren't the first folks we find in Scripture grumbling in a wilderness land? we know how that turned out...the israelites who grumbled in the wilderness, died there. could it be that Luke is using some loaded imagery in these verses?

this is important to keep in mind because most english translations will talk of the pharisees "grumbling" but when they talk about the 99 sheep they leave them in an "open pasture" or in the "open country"...not in the desert. now, before you go accusing me of some "you should go learn greek" mantra, that's not what i'm getting at. in fact, the new living translation does use the term "wilderness." so while this isn't a plea for anybody to go learn greek (apparently, after a number of years learning it, i don't know it), it is a subtle encouragement to read different translations as you study.

anyway, back to the story. so we have the pharisees grumbling, Jesus responding, and 99 sheep roaming. once you get the grumbling-wilderness imagery in mind, some things start coming together...at least they did for me. for instance, maybe i'm slow, but it never dawned on me that the 99 might have been left in the wilderness. let that sink in a little bit. we are never told that the shepherd goes back to the 99. the one that he pursued and found, he carried home...

once the shepherd and the one get to the house, we bump into a recurring scene in these stories: "in the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!" i wonder if those "righteous" aren't like the "healthy" who didn't need a doctor (i.e. Luke 5:32)...or thought they didn't. my underlying point is simply this, we are never told that the 1 and 99 were rejoined. could the 99 be out in the wilderness?

building on the story of the 99/1 sheep, Jesus moves to another seemingly similar story, but one that takes place exclusively in a woman's home.

"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Won’t she light a lamp and sweep the entire house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she will call in her friends and neighbors and say, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents."

she loses one of her ten coins, turns on the lights, and sweeps the "entire" house "carefully" searching for that which was lost. as i said above, the story begins and ends in the home, something gets lost, and the woman in the story has turned on the spot light. again, the story concludes with Jesus talking about the priority of one person repenting - as though everything in all of creation hangs on this moment of repentance.

finally, we come to what is most likely the most familiar of the three stories. the young son asks for what he feels he is entitled to, heads out to the far country, and makes a mess of things. the rest you know. coming to his senses, he is certain - even if he has to live among the servants, in the servant quarters maybe? - life at his father's house will be better than his current state of affairs. so he sets out for home and is welcome there, in the most full sense of "welcome" one could ever conceive.

if you're anything like me, you've read this story enough to make it say what you want it to say and when you realize it doesn't say what you thought it said you're a little taken aback...almost as if what you thought was there in the text should be there. i could have sworn that the line about more joy in heaven over one sinner that repents occurred one more time. ...but it never comes in this third story. not that its absence is all that important - Jesus has already setup that point - we know that these stories are all about repentance.

but for the first time in reading these stories together, i noticed the role of home life as it relates to repentance, almost as if it's a theme undergirding the whole thing and how this might nuance our understanding. look at all the ways repentance (or lack of) play out in these verses: some get left out in the wilderness. less are carried home on Another's shoulders. some go missing within the house. while Another searches diligently. one leaves, but is welcomed home to a celebration in his honor given by Another. the one that remained in the house didn't get it, but Another was patient.

far too often we think of repentance - maybe in these stories particularly - as a one time event...the moment we come home.

i'm sure many of here us have felt like the prodigal. i know i have. i also know that moment of being pursued in the wilderness of my tragedy, the grace that allowed me to turn toward home, and being welcomed there. this is repentance par excellence.

...but it sure isn't the only kind of repentance. which we sort of know, but just talk about a little differently once we've arrived home.

i'm sure that most of us have also felt a little something like the lost coin in the corner of the house or the older brother who just doesn't get it. what i wonder is if we think of these moments as times for repentance. we may in fact be in a place which necessitates a turning within the house, but miss out on the celebration of being found because we're: 1. too busy grumbling, 2. don't recognize the depth of our lostness, and 3. hey, we're already in the house, so do we really need an encounter with the one who can find us (see the folks left out in the wilderness, in Luke 5 for sure and quite possibly in this chapter too)?!

within the house, it may be an entirely different sort of lostness but there is still something about it that reeks of lostness when it happens - even if it just is a loss of awareness. now it's important to recognize a dastardly subtle gray area between lostness of leaving the house, which necessitates a turn toward home, and a lostness in the house that also necessitates a turning, but one within the house. but that conversation is for another time.

here, if reading these stories together in the way i have is legitimate, it really doesn't matter where you find yourself. we know all too well that if we have wandered away and made a disaster of things, the Father is on the watch and has established a search party for you.

but maybe more pertinent to the few here, if you're in the house and feeling lost or don't even realize that everything in that house is available to you and your ticked off about it, maybe we need to stop acting like these are moments of spiritual self-management. in these times the church is good at thinking the remedy is a better or more consistent devotional life. more prayer. just doing something spiritual...better. but maybe why we haven't experienced the moment of break through we've been longing for is simply because we've missed the reality that this is a time to repent...to recognize that the Father is pursuing us and wanting to reorient us - our minds, our hearts, our souls - within the house.

if i'm reading these stories correctly and we as Christians heed this call to repent, the celebration will be as lively as the moment we first came home!

at home...and probably needing an awareness of that persistent celebration,
-scott|e.

so i shaved the beard.

2010-10-06T05:57:00.003-05:00

ahh, yes. nothing like giving myself 15 more minutes of something to do each morning. well, at least twice a week. every time i shave my beard, i always think about the foolishness of such things. why put myself through the hassle? i hate to shave, it's uncomfortable for my face, and it is a simple matter of time consumption - time i already feel like i don't have.

so yesterday morning i'm talking to Hannah and trying to decide if i can go one more day without shaving.

she says: "it doesn't look bad! you look like michael w. smith."

in that very moment, it became official. i am now growing the beard back.
-scott|e.

it's coming...

2010-09-15T21:33:00.004-05:00

to be honest, i'm sick of not being funny anymore.
it's coming. the grand, ragged, and inconsistent reopening.
-scott|e.

2010-07-26T10:06:00.001-05:00

A few new pics...

all you need to know about my philosophy of youth ministry

2010-07-17T23:12:00.002-05:00

tonight, during an 'after glow' worship service, a couple junior highers came up to me to complain and let me know the service was going on a little too long. apparently, they are supposed to be released from captivity at 10pm so that they can venture down to the ice cream shop to get a last minute snack...

i should mention at this point that i'm glad i'm in my own cabin.

here's how the ensuing conversation went.

two whiny, goofy looking (their parents seem to be trying too hard) junior highers: "when is this service going to be over?"

me: "not too long"

twgl(tpstbtth)jh: "it's already 10:10. SEE, look at my watch."

[keep in mind worship is still taking place...for some]

me: "have you seen the tv show 'lost'?"

twgl(tpstbtth)jh:

me: "you're silence suggests not [honestly, i wasn't thinking that six years ago this pair was like six years old or something]. well, see, in that show the time got all messed up. and it could all be wrong. did you ever think about that?"

twgl(tpstbtth)jh: "well, the wall clock is wrong too then"

me: "that's exactly what i'm saying. nobody knows."

-scott|e.

this should buy me all the time i need.

2010-05-04T10:40:00.004-05:00

this little 30 second video should buy me all the time i need until i get a fresh refill of blog material while on vacation with the in-laws. i mean seriously, what wouldn't counteract a lack of blogging then a 14 hour drive to florida with two infants and me, quality time unleashing the "freshman 50" (a phd seems to intensify everything), and all sorts of good times with the Gormong crew?! i mean, i already have one sister-in-law who i am going to florida with, not mentioning any names, who recently asked me straightforwardly, "do you think we're going to hate each other by the end of this thing?" i should have responded with: "yea, i know Hannah is hard to deal with sometimes, but it's not that bad, come on. give her a break." but nonetheless...good times surely await, which will hopefully culminate in some good days of blogging ahead.

until that time comes, enjoy:

-scott|e.

who is he to tell anybody...?!

2010-04-02T17:27:00.003-05:00

have you heard about the republican doctor in florida who posted a sign on the door of his practice? he is encouraging those who voted for obama to get care elsewhere.

a portion of his note reads: "changes to your health care begin right now. not in four years."

i mean the audacity of this dude. who does he think he is...the government or something?
-scott|e.

suppositories, volcanic eruptions, and memories of ma.

2010-03-06T14:02:00.029-06:00

just when i thought the blockage would persist...i had to make a trip to the store to purchase infant suppositories. ...as fate would have it.

(picture by Kristy Cope, a friend and obviously good photographer)

well, i knew it was coming. it was inevitable really. the transition has been finally and fully made by all kinds of family, friends, professors, facebook comment-ers, and even the occasional stranger. people want to make sure that i know the kid looks like her mother.

fyi: i'm not putting any stock in the fact that this look-a-like shift has coincided with Ella's transition from reptilian phase to being quite the little cutie. i mean, could people be any more obvious? since just after the womb, i have been calling her 'little lizard' for two reasons. first, it's kind of a shout out to my dad who believed all babies looked a little reptilian. second, if you could hear me call her 'little lizard,' it's all-together fun. and, in case you are wondering in horror, little baby human reptiles are not ugly (no matter what random and quaintly anonymous folks who have nothing better to do on a tuesday morning than surf blogspot.com might say). they just look reptilian, that's all.

see, i told ya. she looks kinda lizzardy, but still cute.

but anyway, now that she has officially moved from the reptilian phase all kinds of people have been reassuring us that she does indeed look like Hannah. cheers for the baby - better that she looks like her mother than me - i'm well aware (although secretly, deep down, i know people are only saying that not because i'm not beautiful, but because she's a girl........right?).

what people don't know - and may not care to know - is that the kid seems to have not only inherited her mother's cute-ness, but also, at least for the last week, her pooping schedule as well (full disclosure: Hannah is currently at work and has been encouraging me to start blogging again. i have no idea why). all that to say, before yesterday Ella hadn't had a "movement" in seven days. seven. whole. days. Hannah read somewhere that breastfed babies can go anywhere from 7-11 days without worry; since i didn't know the exact source that had provided this information to my bride, i suggested we go conservative and call the doc on the seventh day of the ordeal.

a quick note on the kid's disposition: she's taken it all in stride. cheerful. content. and quite normal with the exception of being a little heavier to hold. beyond that, not much has changed. apparently (and thankfully) she takes after her mother in this regard as well.

the doctor's orders were to get some child suppositories, cut one in half, and give her some milk of magnesia (i referred to it as milk of Malaysia yesterday and since Hannah thought i was just being funny, i let it ride - i'm one hilarious dude...or something like that. apparently i made this "joking" verbal faux pax three times or so).

mysteriously, after being home with Ella all day, Hannah didn't get this info from the doctor's office until about five minutes after she got to work for the evening. so there i was, the one with the privilege of inserting a foreign object into my daughter's rectum.

kind of looks like a mini glue stick, doesn't it?

so off to the store i went and aimed my car at every significant bump in the road along the way. i even purchased some comfort for myself knowing what i was about to go through - a couple two liters of big red and some 'orange slices.'

when i got her home i opened her diaper like it was Christmas morning. all the excitement in the world to see if she had left her mark during our 30 minute trek to nicholasville and back. ...but when i opened her diaper it was if i had opened that last minute "oh i still have $3.43 left in the scott's present fund" gift. in other words, nothing. so i decide to procrastinate a bit more and put her down for a nap before i "woke her up"...if you know what i mean. hoping that the extra hour or so might give her yet another chance to unleash fury in her diaper. but again, after her nap, i got a $3.41 wooden cross puzzle from the local Christian bookstore (unfortunately, this happens to be an actual gift i received the Christmas of '97).

so there i was, heart beating on the outside, not wanting to hurt the kid and all that. but i knew that this foreign object would have to be inserted. in it went.

you should have seen her face. again, taking it all in stride. cheerful. content. and quite normal with the exception of having a strange look on her face that sweetly declared: "that ain't supposed to happen." right you are, sweetheart....and i'm sorry. i was given the advice to hold her little cheeks together because you're not supposed to insert your finger when putting a suppository in a baby. when i let go, out came the suppository with little to no effect. this means we experienced insertion #2, which resulted in strange look #2, my silent apology #2, and a holding of the cheeks #2 (the extended edition).

this time when i let go, the suppository stayed put for a bit longer, but in a few moments out it came...but then! i saw that look that we haven't seen for, oh, say, seven days or so. about 8.33 seconds after the suppository was ejected, this happened:

a volcanic eruption from mt. rectumus (the peaks of said mountain can be seen just off to the west). as you can see, she got some distance with the initial burst...but, much like a real life volcanic eruption, this was only the beginning. five more times she pushed and five more times goo, like lava, flowed.

it was hilarious. all cleaned out: mission accomplished.

but then i got to thinking. she'll never forget. the reason i know this is because on the way to pick up the suppositories with a side of milk, i called my brother to inform him of my plight. as we continued to talk, our own childhood memories of our own encounters with suppositories came up. unfortunately, we relived it in great detail because we remember these things so clearly. it was as if we could still feel my mom's "presence" in that conversation. thus, i can only assume, the kid will never forget....

....and i'm so sorry honey.
-scott|e.

bloggers block

2010-03-01T22:20:00.005-06:00

so it's been awhile. trust me, i'm aware. how could i not notice the mail that has been regularly streaming in, pleading with me to get back into the blogging business.

the only problem is i have nothing to write about these days. it's a dastardly case of bloggers-block. it started strictly from busyness but soon devolved into nothingness. but here's the reality of the situation: i gave up spending money on haircuts, bought some clippers of my own and now hannah is cutting my hair. and unfortunately (for the purposes of blogging anyway) those gormongs genes are just too precise to mess me up enough to warrant comment here. i mean, if the roles were reversed and i was the one doing the cutting, we'd have all sorts of fun things to talk about...but not only are the gormongs precise, they're smarter than actually putting the clippers into my hands. so that means the barber shop stories are off the table. my journey through doctor offices has been completed. and me getting fat(ter) just isn't funny anymore. admittedly, i thought the baby would be a source of all kinds of material, but holding her above my head and swallowing her drool on the way down is only funny if hannah gags...and even then, you'd basically have to be here.

so i feel without. without ideas. without creativity. without time. ....and yet, i've missed the outlet.

i don't know exactly what direction this will go in the coming days, but if you bear with me for a bit i might get back to some sort of form (whether that's a positive or not, you will have to decide). i have had a few ideas here and there, but some will take time to develop. so at the moment, i'm just going to be priming the pump and we'll see what happens.

-scott|e.

2010-02-24T23:41:00.000-06:00

Ella has finally discovered her feet. Scott caught her trying to eat them a few days ago...

wondering...??

2009-10-23T11:33:00.007-05:00

if you're wondering why it has been such a long time since i last posted here, we're probably not friends, which means you're stalking us online. stop it.

but if you've been waiting with much anticipation for my return...ummm, we'll that's probably unlikely...but nonetheless i post.

you may be thinking my absence from the blog has something to do with juggling a new ph.d. program, being a new dad, being a husband to the bride, etc. but really, i've been preoccupied with something on a whole other scale. my absence is for one reason and one reason alone - i present it to you via pictures. enjoy:

:: the way it is supposed look ::

(excuse the boobies)

:: the way it looks when 'daddy' does it ::

:: an expression i expect to get at various times throughout ella's life ::

again soon...
-scott|e.

either grow or die

2009-08-28T00:40:00.005-05:00

although i'm not old enough to remember, i found this paragraph to be both attestable and prescient:

"...Anyone who’s old enough to remember LBJ’s civil-rights laws, and the many other reform measures enacted from the Great Society to the present, has learned two things: (1) A federal bureaucracy must either grow or die; and (2) a federal bureaucracy never dies. As the abuses that a law was designed to fight are eliminated, the enforcement apparatus does not shrink to match; instead it expands and finds new abuses — and when those run out, it starts inventing them."

fred schwarz, in 'the corner.'

you can get the entire post here.
-scott|e.

mysterious mathematical riddles...and you don't even need a ph.d.

2009-08-26T21:02:00.010-05:00

alright...i know it's not my "field," so to speak (as ph.d.'s are fond of boasting with all sorts of grandiloquence), but i'm feeling adventurous, and quite honestly, on the eve of a new program, like an almost ph.d. so hold on to you seats, i'm moving outside the old testament for a moment to wow you with my intellectual-ness, to sweep you up in all my brilliance, to baffle you with my brain. for i have cracked a mathematical mystery.

i'd hate to attribute this to my unfounded genius, but since so many are so slow in finding it when it comes to me (i wonder why?!), i don't know how else to explain the revelation i had in our kitchen the other day.

[for privacy concerns, i will not be revealing the scores of the math portion of my GRE. but let's just say that gloriously stupid (and expensive...and stressful...and unhelpful...and irritating) standardized exam certainly underestimated my mathematics acuity]

are you ready? here is the riddle: how does (1/2 lb. + 1/2 lb)/9 = 10lbs.?

nothing, huh?

well, i guess i'll have to explain such things to my readers step-by-step. i hope you don't get lost in the details.

first, before Hannah went all high blood pressure on me, she would not let her husband go to the grocery store for us. she always claimed it would just be easier for her to do it herself. well, what's that mean? does she not know i'm almost a ph.d. student?
second, just under two weeks ago, the above mentioned wife surprised me with some of my favorite deli delights. she must have thought to herself, "why should he suffer without lunch meats just because i can't eat them? i mean, our kid won't have 10 eyes if he eats this stuff, right? i think that only applies to me." so she went all out, getting me all the fixings to make an italian sub (she knows i'm missing wawa).
what follows is a portion of the kroger receipt: ...american cheese (bleep), a 1/2 lb. of salami (bleep), and a 1/2 lb. of pepperoni (bleep)...

so the other day i'm standing in the kitchen, looking at two empty bags of salami and pepperoni wondering where it all went. at first i was kind of frustrated and in shock. i couldn't believe that Hannah, being tempted by all the goodness of an italian sub, would go against the doctor's orders and eat my deli meats. it just didn't seem like her.

...but then it hit me. she didn't.

thus solves the mystery:
(1/2 lb of salami + 1/2 lb. of pepperoni)/divided by a mere 9 days = 10 lbs. of extra me.

brilllllllllllllll-ant!
-scott|e.

:: reasonable charisma :: part 2 - reverse the curse & healing

2009-08-18T20:14:00.015-05:00

at some point, those of you still reading are going to start thinking i'm making these things up...i could only wish.

a portion of the second installment of "reasonable charisma" takes place from the perspective of the barber shop chair, on location in nicholasville, ky. it appears that the vantage point from this chair transcends the vast cultural differences between new jersey and kentucky. and, as you are well aware, i seem to have become a magnet of the ridiculous while getting what's left of my hair cut. here in the bluegrass it only took one experience at the local supercuts to realize that although it may take on different forms (or should i say "manifestations"?), it's essentially the same.

but before getting to the specifics of ms. crazy hair cutter lady, i'm going to begin with a recent conversation i had with some friends. i think it would be fair to say that these two gals are on the charismatic side of the church world. again, i do not intend to disparage with such labels, only to offer some perspective. at the very least, their perspective makes for interesting, if not fun, conversation. you should also know that i believe both of them are seeking to follow after Christ with everything that they are.

for the better part of the last eight or so years we had been involved in various ministry settings together, but over the last couple of years we haven't seen each other or talked much at all. i've been getting most of my updates on how they were doing from a mutual friend. about a month ago, we were all in indianapolis at the same time and had a chance to catch up on my way to terre haute. it was nice. we talked about ministry, the church, and what Christ was doing in our lives...the usual. interspersed throughout our conversation, however, there were also various moments when i just had to sit back and respond with, "really...that's interesting."

i'll offer two examples of what i mean just to set up the scene - the second being more illustrative for my point. they were wanting to know all things Hannah and baby and of course asked whether we were having a boy or girl. since we don't know i could only offer up my guess work. i told them that basically for Hannah's whole pregnancy i had thought we were having a boy, but the week before i saw them i had had a dream that we were having a little girl. so i was all confused. well, this proved too much to let pass for those predisposed to the ecstatic. for i had set off all kinds of charismatic alarms with that info. "well that means you're having a girl!," they explained with a twinkle in their eyes, as though they had just given Hannah, via my presence, a spiritualized ultrasound. besides having a 50/50 shot at being right, in their minds the dream was a sign...a gift, maybe. at this point, i decided to keep the other dream i had been having to myself. in my long wait for the g.i. joe movie to come out, i've been having a recurring nightmare where cobra command and all of its minions are hunting me down with some sort of lethal atomic weapon, terrorizing me and killing the children i was trying to protect. i didn't want to rob them of their twinkle, so i went with the ambiguous, "really...that's interesting."

the second example i'll offer also had to do with our baby, and it caught my attention. at some point in the conversation somebody brought up the possibility of having a pain-free birth. a couple of their friends had read a book called, painless childbirth, and they were all about it. again, i went with, "really...that's interesting." last i heard it would feel something like pulling my upper lip over my head and then around to the bottom of my feet - but i'm a dude and the only one in the conversation, so what did i know? at the heart of this idea was a catchy little phrase they repeated a few times, "reverse the curse." as most of you will know, after the fall (capital f) God pronounces part of the curse in gen. 3:16, "to the woman He said, 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children...'" the thought behind "reversing the curse" is that because we are Christians this curse has apparently become null and void in Christ's redemption.

basically, at its minimum, this is a subtle variation on the 'health & wealth gospel.' if you're not familiar with it, simply turn on tbn...you'll get your fill there. without caricaturing it, i think the basic thrust could best be explained by saying that those who believe such things think that God wants us to be blessed in this life; the "blessing" works out to mean that Christians will be free from pain, suffering, disease, and poverty. thus, the individual and collective health & wealth of the church becomes a witness to what God can do and wants to do for His people. in its worst forms, the thought implies that sickness, suffering or poverty is seen as the result of one's lack of faith or some personal sin. hang on to that for a moment.

now, fast-forward to supercuts just a week or so after the above conversation took place. there i was waiting to get my haircut, hoping that i would get through the experience without any commentary on the baldness or any shampoo suggestions, and thinking about how i should open up the conversation. do i start with a joke about it or just act like the top isn't thinning? well, my time came to get into the chair and it became obvious that once again this visit would constitute instant blog material. after discovering that we had moved to the area so that i could go to seminary, i immediately became proving ground for ms. crazy hair cutter lady to theologically evangelize me with the 'health & wealth gospel'...

at this point, without any charismatic baggage from my past, i'm beginning to wonder - is this a sign?!

a hair cut these days should take no longer than 20 minutes - at most. i was sitting there for an hour. there ain't that much left up there. needless to say, her evangelism was in overdrive. altogether, i probably talked for 45 seconds during this span. now, some of you may be thinking, "45 seconds? wow! i didn't know scott could shut up for that long?" and, in turn, start believing in miracles, of the charismatic sort. but trust me, i was trying to insert my voice...but each and every time she asked me what i thought, she would quickly move onto the next topic of her choice.

she spattered me with all kinds of personal history and theological regurgitations of tbn (one of her favorites: jesse duplantis). about four years ago, after a battle cancer, she was invited to some revival meetings. it was there, after her cancer had gone into remission (the way it always seems to happen), she heard some form of the health & wealth gospel and she was in...hook, line and sinker. at one point she said to me, "God's plan for Christians is that we would just simply die in peace - no suffering, no sickness, no pain." and, of course, if you tithe to those nice folks with big hair on tv, God would also send material blessing. again, the idea of "reverse the curse" was prevalent once again.

to be honest, all of it sounds really good to me. we know God is the divine healer, we know and trust that He's still in the business of healing, and it certainly makes sense that He would want to "reverse the curse." right?

but what rarely occurs to those who profess these ideas is that when they say that we are supposed to "die in peace with no sickness or suffering," they are admitting their participation in the fall. if you're not following that point, very simply it is this: we weren't created to die. death is a result of humanity's fall. this is important, because we can easily get caught up in the excitement and the persuasiveness of what sounds right and yet miss the details and the finer points of God's work in this world.

in the brief 45 seconds i had with ms. crazy (for short), i shared with her that death is part of the curse. her response: "when i die it won't be a curse, i will be celebrating" well, that's an interesting way to dodge the point...but the fact remains, anyone who maintains a "reverse the curse" theology where sickness and suffering equates to a lack of faith or some moral failure must account for the curse of death that all of us must face. there's redemption, but there is no reversal.

okay, how to make this scattered and lengthy blog "reasonable"? after thinking about these experiences for the last few weeks, my thoughts have indeed been focused on God's healing - but more so on its vastness and variety.

each of us know all too well that we live in a fractured world, where sickness and poverty are plentiful. for those of us who are Christian, we also know that we put our faith in a God who is one who not only healed in the pages of Scripture but continues to bring healing and peace into the 21st century. i hope you know that the point of this post is not to suggest that God is somehow limited in His ability to heal. it's very reasonable for a Christian to believe that the One who was raised from the grave is able to heal, and we should be praying for such things. what is unreasonable is for us to make our proneness for the immediate, the sensational, and the simple catch phrases to be the foundation of God's ways in this world. it's not true to Scripture and it's not true to the faithful who have gone before us.

so it might also be advantageous (and more accurate) if we recognized a diversity in the way that God heals in this broken world. while it sounds nice to believe God to be a one-stop shop of "reversing the curse" and thereby ending our suffering and strife on this globe, i'm making a claim that the His healing comes more often than not in rather unsuspecting ways.

i think of folks like Jim Harriman, who for over four years now has selflessly cared for his ill wife. i wonder if we took the time to look closely enough at their situation (and those like theirs) we wouldn't see a clear(er) sign of God's healing presence in the tenderness, devotion, faithfulness, and ultimate trust that Jim continues to put in Christ as he cares for Pam. what makes thse qualities all the more compelling is that these things can never be separated from the real life grief and heartache of the last four years. sure, this kind of healing might not be showy and it just might require us to pray for eyes to see, but i think our broken world needs to see this kind of witness of faithfulness and love that Jim has allowed to flow through his life - even when no instantaneous healing is in sight. it may be that this is exactly the kind of healing that the world needs...

do i think God could heal Pam? absolutely. have i been praying for it? absolutely. but, what i'm trying to say is that my faith and our lives as Christians do not hang on whether we evidence God's physical healing in Pam's body or not...my hope is that God will still bring about healing in her life, but i'm also becoming more and more interested in the healing that extends beyond just one person's illness. ...to be honest, it's difficult to listen to Jim's story...not because of any of the specifics of Pam's illness, but because God has been and continues to bring me face-to-face my selfishness. i need that redemptive work of healing.

there is a healing for the nations in the selflessness and faith expressed in the face of suffering. we need not act embarrassed about frailties...we are all frail and are moving toward the grave. our hope, though, is in Christ who can generate healing in a vast variety of ways in our lives.

in Christ's healing selflessness,
-scott|e.

"plugged in" to the principles: two articles on health care

2009-08-15T09:46:00.014-05:00

something that has to be very clear in this whole debate about what kind of health care reform is needed is that it is fundamentally intertwined with the principles that this country is founded upon.

one from steyn (one of the best i've read - it offers some of his initial insights on this whole issue of life expectancy that so many are referring to):

"[pres. Obama] was reassuring the crowd that provision for mandatory 'end-of-life counseling' has 'gotten spun into this idea of ‘death panels.’ I am not in favor of that.' Well, that’s good to know. So good that a grateful audience applauded the president’s pledge not to kill them. He has no plans, as he put it, to 'pull the plug on Grandma.'

The problem with government health systems is not that they pull the plug on Grandma. It’s that Grandma has a ____ of a time getting plugged in in the first place."

one from goldberg:

"Under the plan discussed at President Obama’s infomercial-esqe town halls, America would cut costs and expand coverage while avoiding rationing. Apparently, it’s paranoid to think that’s too good to be true..."

"When it comes to civil liberties, liberals are often distrustful of government power. But, for reasons that baffle me, they are quite comfortable with Uncle Sam getting into the business of deciding, or providing “guidance” on, which lives are more valuable than others. A government charged with extending life expectancy must meddle not just with our health care, but with what we eat, how we drive, how we live. A government determined to cut costs must meddle not just with how we live, but how we die."

-scott|e.

:: reasonable charisma :: part 1 - better to speak five words

2009-08-11T11:36:00.050-05:00

the early years following the summer of 1997 were formative in ways that i could not fully describe for you in one sitting (nor would you want me to...i tend to get a little verbose if you know what i'm saying). but during these years i was learning how to live in Christ with and for my family, friends, and a fraternity. those were frustratingly glorious days. i wanted to constantly immerse myself in the life of the church and any other ministry i could. not only did i have this passion to grow and learn all i could, i soon realized i also needed these oases of Christ's grace on a regular basis. while there were all kinds of mistakes and failures along the way, there was an energy about the fact that Christ had done something in me and was desiring to do much more.

here's what my normal week looked like while i was in cincinnati at school: sunday morning i was in worship, if i could find something on sunday evening i'd make my way there a good bit too; on tuesday afternoons i met with a guy from campus crusade; wednesday night, without fail, i was at the vineyard for worship and teaching; and thursday nights i was at campus crusade's weekly gathering (1998-ish on). when thursday night was over i couldn't wait to get the cycle started all over again on sunday; so, in my spare time i filled in the gaps with tbn (and yet another embarrassing statement by me on the blog).

about nine or so years ago i was in the middle of my semester, in the middle of what seemed to be a normal week. but on one particular wednesday night, while i was at a vineyard mid-week service, it was clear that all i knew to be normal would soon change. that evening, in the midst of our worship, there was a pinpointed ache within me knowing it wouldn't be too long before my dad would breath his last and he would be transformed by the glorifying grace of Christ's welcome into paradise. for whatever the reason that night my thoughts shifted to the grief the family was already beginning to feel, and the lingering ache that had become so normal for us had zeroed in on my heart with some weight. i decided i needed to take advantage of the invitation to pray with some folks from the church's prayer ministry.

i remember slowing wandering out into the cafe and sitting down with two gentlemen who were part of this team. i shared a little with them about why i was there and we began to pray. what i really remember from that night was that my heart needed to be ministered to.

not one word they they uttered, however, was intelligible to me - they prayed over me in tongues (as opposed to with me). it went on for what seemed like twenty minutes, probably more like five, and the whole time all i could think was that my heart need something they these guys had missed. i know the line of reasoning that follows: "isn't it better that we pray in tongues even if you couldn't understand? the Spirit is the one who does the work; we were just speaking directly to Him (1 cor. 14:2)." well, sure...i guess. and while i follow and i don't doubt that God hears our prayers...that evening my heart needed to be ministered to...and i would have taken five words that ministered to that ache (v. 19).

[...sidetrack...]

now, before i go any further, you need to know a couple things.

first, i believe in the gift of tongues...in all of its multifaceted-ness. i feel like i need to insert some eerie halloween background soundtrack in making such a statement...but actually it's not all that spooky, it's much more reasonable than that. it might help you to know that luther, the guy who was preaching when the Lord captured my heart, was on the charismatic side of things and he had a significant influence in my life early on. although such undercurrents weren't front and center in luther's life (which is precisely the way it should be - not front and center), i knew they were there.

but even beyond that, when i first became a Christian i just wanted to surround myself with people who were excited about Christ; this naturally led me to all sorts of services and crazy-crizzle church events. i often made my way to services and revivals (sometimes alone) that no good methodist should have been attending. but if the Spirit of God seemed to be at work in people, i wanted to be around it. i have attended a brownsville revival service, got me a live t.d. jakes fix, been to a couple revivals that were off the charts crazy, and on it could go. it probably didn't hurt (or: "help" - some might say!?) that i really did fill in the gaps with tbn when friends and family weren't looking.

needless to say, i've seen and heard a lot - tongues, the shaking, the running, the shouting, and all sorts of other "manifestations" to make people feel downright uncomfortable...but only for the first few times; after that, if you're anything like me, you just kind of took it for what it was.

there were many blessing in my life during those days and i don't want to underestimate that fact. i have, however, also seen much abuse in this area. be it an emotional high that does little to transform one's character or the idea that this approach is somehow superior to other ways of worshipping.

my all time favorite, in this regard, is when someone asks you if they can pray with you "in the Spirit." who doesn't want that?! i must admit, prior to such experiences i had always thought that was kind of a given. by this, what many mean (i stress "many," not all), is that they want to know if they can really pray with you, as opposed to just "regular" prayers, that are...ummm...apparently devoid of the Spirit?

a close second favorite was hearing jesse duplantis tell a story about an experience he had on a plane with a person who was "possessed." turns out there was another like-minded duplantis-ite on the plane and they decided to team up together. so after conferring with one another "in the Spirit" (yes, you heard me right) they began to pray for the person. now, to this day, i'm still hoping i heard it wrong, but i'm fairly certain the claim was that these two dudes conversed with one another "in the Spirit" and decided out of that dialogue they should pray. ...whatever that means.

the second thing you should know about me is that i have never spoken in tongues. you may now rest your restless hearts. early on in my journey of faith i prayed for it, fairly earnestly actually. i even contemplated attending one of those "if you want to learn how to pray in tongues" sessions, but such things never really settled right in me.

now that you know all that, let me end this sidetrack with a quick confession. though i have had a cazillion years of seminary education and i have read quite a few things on the topic, if you were to ask me about the theological ins and outs of my thinking on this issue, i would stumble around for about five minutes and then, ironically enough, would probably begin to mutter something rather unintelligible as a response. in the end, i would point to a few Scripture passages, throw my hands up, and leave it be.

[...end of sidetrack...]

so where's the "reasonableness" in all of this?

is the reasonable simply found in the fact that i have experienced the crazy and have seen its abuses and found it to be a more moderate position to assert that i "believe" in tongues even though i can't reasonably explain it? if that is the case, this isn't all that helpful. or maybe worse, is this just some attempt by me to make it seem like i'm down with the charismatics and thereby position myself in some moderated evangelical charismatic clique of "being closer to being in the Spirit than you are"? i should hope not.

let me try to tie this up. i've been thinking recently a bit about my own prayer life. you know i am on the receiving end of a lot of prayer requests...it kind of comes with the territory. and when i get these requests, more often than not, i'll look at the person with all kinds of sincerity and assure them that i will most definitely pray; i then move along and go about my business. most of the time i do pray when i am asked. but now i'm wondering if in telling people that i will pray for them rather than actually praying with them i'm not just like those dudes i prayed with in the vineyard cafe. i can only imagine that what was unintelligible to me that evening at the vineyard is a very similar sensation to the assurance of my present silence that i will pray for others...later.

it's easy to assume that the point of prayer is simply that we pray to God - for He is the one who does the work. and i believe this...but in the Triune God's goodness He has given us a community to support and undertake for each other. these days i'm thinking it might be better if we take Christ's call on our lives to encourage and minister to one another a bit more seriously.

i certainly don't want to take paul out of context here. but i wonder if all of us don't need a good dose of the truth he offered in 1 corinthians 14:19. there he says, "...I would rather speak five understandable words to help others than ten thousand words in an unknown language." all of us non-charismatics can give a hearty "amen" to that. but could it not also be said, "...I would rather speak five understandable words to help others than ten thousand words in the silence of my own prayers." part of the point of prayer is that we become an encouragement to one another; God enjoys being in the midst of this kind of exchange of ministry...and as far as i can tell people crave this kind of sincere and bold community.

sometimes we who are not predisposed to being full-blown charismatics ourselves could use a little more charisma in praying for one another. this week be an encouragement to someone by praying for them...with them. i think if we do this we will all discover that it is quite a reasonable thing to do in the life of the church.

oo-wee-uu-wuu (my eerie halloween background),
-scott|e.

and "friends" are "friends" forever...

2009-08-07T10:58:00.032-05:00

okay...i initially had the kernel of an idea about a blog, but now that i've titled the thing and subsequently went searching google for a michael w. smith pic to grab your undivided attention, i must confess i have no idea where this is going.

the title will become obvious in the second part of this post, but the picture...well, it left me speechless, as though i vomited up those one thousand words it was supposed to usher forth, but then fought with all my might to swallow them back down to the place where no one could know that i even thought them. but what kind of blog would this be if i did that sort of thing? so, what has become par for the blogging course here, i now post somewhat disturbing things for you to read.

the cover "art" (if you can call it that) above is from michael w. smith's album "go west young man"...and it has absolutely nothing to do with the title or topic of this post. you should know the song 'friends' is not on the "go west" album (just in case you got the tune stuck in your head after reading the title and got the sudden urge to run out and purchase it).

'friends,' of course, is possibly one of the worst songs ever written (unless you were into the whole ray boltz scene...but we know how that turned out. as an aside, after writing that i thought i should check up my main man, ray. turns out he just released a new song entitled, "don't tell me who to love"...yea, no kidding. i wish i had the desire to appropriately comment...instead here's the link. if you followed that little rabbit trail, you now know he's still writing horrible music). but back to michael w. ironically enough, as i was looking for a throw away picture of him only because i was using a line from 'friends' as my title, i found the one above which got me reminiscing about what has got to be one of the greatest cross-over songs of all time. when "go west young man" came out in 1990, i was a 12 year old middle schooler who was either going to be the next michael phelps or go straight to the NBA after graduating from RVMS...neither path really worked out as planned and ever since i've just been trying to find my place in this world...ya know what i'm saying? ahh yes, 'my place in this world' - to a 6th grader's mind, this was a lyrical and emotional masterpiece.

i actually remember going into the camelot music store at the greentree mall and purchasing the cassette single of this song, feeling the first twinges of i'm-an-oh-so-cool-pseudo-Christian sensation in the process (i wasn't a Christian at that point but it sure did seem like i was as i purchased a Christian song...well, sort of Christian...in a camelot store), putting on the koss headphones, and singing my little 6th grade heart out. what i may have lacked in vocal ability, i gained in passion - passion that resurfaced with each and every rewind. as i remember it, there was a lot of pressure on me back in 6th grade and i felt like i was roaming through the night, with not a lot to lean on, trying to find my place in this world...

did i really just write all that? maybe a better question is, did you really just read all that?!

well, as i said, that intro has absolutely nothing to do with what is to follow. i now turn your attention to the point of this post: friends, specifically the phenomenon of facebook friends.

while many of you will undoubtedly think this to be a critique of that glorious social networking site, i beg to differ. even post-an active youth pastor position, i now find myself making all sorts of other excuses for why i'm always checking in to see what people are up to or if they have commented on something i'm up to.

but last weekend i had an experience that got me thinking about a few things. last sunday Hannah and i were in lousiville on our way back to lexington and i saw this girl that i "know." actually i'm friends with her on facebook; so whether i know her or not is somewhat debatable...but she almost definitely knows i just updated my status for the twentieth time this morning.

what i really mean to say is that i've met here once or twice in my life (i think), but i don't really know her all that well. we are indeed friends on facebook, but most likely that is because we have a number of mutual acquaintances...beyond that connection, however, there's really not all that much that's lasting between the two of us.

now, for the record, sometimes this is what makes facebook fun. getting an opportunity to catch up with folks that i had known many years ago or didn't know all that well has been pleasurable. but this "friend" just sits in my friend container with very little interaction, if any at all.

so when i say "i saw" her, saw is strategic because we never exchanged a word. i could have said any number of things, one thinks of something like "hey" or any other form of greeting one might be predisposed to giving a friend. but as i am trying to make very clear, we are "friends," not necessarily friends. for about three seconds i had this debate going on and ultimately decided it would be better for us both if i just kept quite and moved along to the car. i chose not to say a single word...there were just too many unknown variables.

the following are some of the questions that quickly raced through my head as i contemplated how to say say hello. do i go with the general "hey;" the pleasant and jovial "what's up;" the subtly cool but over-the-top "what's going oooon;" or the awkward and frantic get me out of this conversation with this sorta-friend "how ya been...since we met, that one time...about a decade ago?" are you getting the picture?

there were of course other worries as well. even though i know her last five status updates, since we're only "friends," there were all sorts of factors that could have contributed to making the conversation rather clumsy in a hurry. below i have listed only a few of the possibilities. my hypothetical responses to the potential awkwardness that might have ensued follow in yellow:

what's her name? (hey jerusha?! umm, i mean karen. you've got to be kiddin me, i just read her status and now i can't remember her name!? sorry, thought you were somebody else...umm, have a great day)
what if she doesn't recognize me?! (it must be my beard. yea, i have a profile pic up right now where i'm clean shaven. you know, it's me, scott engebretson?!)
puzzled look of "who is this guy?" (remember, i posted that status update the other day about half and half...half and half and water? what do you mean you "hid" my updates? what's the point of this friendship?!)
remember me? we've been facebook friends for like a year now? (really? no recollection...huh? didn't you invite me?)
she thinks i'm awkward-facebook-stalker-boy? (let me introduce you to my wife, Hannah. she's on facebook too. you two ought to become "friends." this will be great!)
[after getting home later that evening] Hannah, why do i have one less friend on facebook? (then i'm forced to deal with the grief of losing a good friend)

it was actually fairly funny. technically, i'm already friends with this person, but i feared rejection. that's an interesting take on the whole friendship thing.

oh well, i really do enjoy facebook though. i have been able to keep up with folks that i may otherwise have rarely gotten the chance to do so with, but this experience just got me thinking that facebook "friends" may not be forever...or maybe even, the friendship has never really begun.

got to run, need to go update my facebook status...i've got friends waiting.
-scott|e.

the belly grows.

2009-08-06T10:12:00.002-05:00

here's a pregnant pictorial update for ya...

31 weeks today. just taken a few minutes ago:

and so the belly grows... she's quite the pregnant knockout.
-scott|e.

dropped calls.

2009-08-06T03:54:00.001-05:00

i have a LG flip phone that was free that last time Hannah and i renewed our cell phone contracts. i usually tend not to go the free route...because you get what you pay for; so, needless to say the ol' cell phone is a bit dated. now i'm starting to experience dropped calls more frequently. yesterday's dropped call, however, was unique.

so i'm making myself some lunch yesterday afternoon - a totino's meat lovers frozen pizza for those wondering - and as i'm waiting on our 1963 oven (a bit dated itself. i feel like i'm at nana's house on east carter) to heat up, i decided to make a phone call to a friend down in mississippi. you know, do a little multi-tasking: cook lunch and make a phone call all at the same time! yes, i am quite incredible, if i do say so myself.

about 2.22 minutes into the phone conversation, i hear the subtle click of our old oven (as opposed to a buzzer or beep that one might be accustomed to hearing today) letting me know the oven was indeed at 450 degrees. i've been eating these totino's pizzas for some time and i've always thought that 450 degrees was significant. i mean, what else does one cook in the oven at 450 degrees?

anyway, the difficulty of mutli-tasking always comes into play whenever one actually has to do multiple things at the same time. so let me offer you the step-by-step, easy to do process for placing a pizza in the oven while talking on the phone:

#1 - place phone firmly between ear and shoulder and continue talking.
#2 - pick up pizza and place it on the oven rack.
#3 - pull out hand and touch side of oven with your thumb...

that's right, nothing like placing the pizza on the rack only to get caught up in the conversation before pulling my hand out of the 450 degree oven safely. immediately, my head (and ear) lifted from my shoulder as i tried to figure out what that sensation was on my hand. but once the head lifted from the shoulder, the firm suction of ear+phone+shoulder came undone and my phone flipped into the inferno.

[for those perceptive readers out there, you may be asking yourself why i didn't utilize the speaker phone. yea...well, i don't know. but thanks for inquiring]

at about this moment in the ordeal, i obviously stopped thinking. with a bit of a tingle going on around my thumb, i thought it reasonable to try to explain to Tom (basically yelling into the oven at my phone) what had happened while i cautiously - but frantically - tried to recover my phone from that oven without burning myself any further and before my phone melted. i am glad to report that i rescued the phone without it melting or me getting burned...again.

at some point between leaving my shoulder and its recovery the phone had been jarred off. undoubtedly a dropped call, but just not of the typical sort.

as i powered the phone back on, i immediately got a call back from Tom. this was my favorite part of the experience. a little embarrassed and apologetic, he began to explain to me that his family had been on him about getting a new phone because his phone keeps dropping calls. yes. that's it...! i almost encouraged him to go out and purchase an LG flip phone, but couldn't bring myself to it.

i do have some serious posts coming...i promise.
-scott|e.

it's that time again...

2009-08-05T13:44:00.004-05:00

i was in terre haute at camp one week and the colts are there this week.

the NFL season is almost upon us, which means all sorts of family fun, such things as: fantasy football (included in this is: trash talking eric, garry, and brutalizing jason), sunday afternoons of nothing other than sabbath keeping to the extreme (i do little more than watch football...of course, this year i will also be adding burping a child to the mix, but all the same...or so i like to think in my mind...i will at least have the tv on, okay!), and playing the at-home review guy for the tailgate crew and season ticket holders.

if you are at all interested here are some links to follow all things colts:

indystar coverage
stampede blue
indy football report
coltpower.com (tweeting from camp. the best kind - you don't have to be a twit to get them)
colts.com

enjoy.
-scott|e.

:: step up, step up, step up and let your voice be heard ::

2009-07-17T09:30:00.012-05:00

what do lisa ling, a B-movie, and a little revolution in the air have to do with each other? it's been a few weeks now and i'm a little behind in my current affairs with the move, but there are some things that have been rumbling around in this mind of mine.

i begin with a refresher: do you recall the situation in north korea with laura ling and euna lee? or have you already forgotten? they're still there. these two ladies were filming a documentary from the border of china and north korea and were accused of allegedly crossing into kim jong il's den. they were promptly seized by north korean officials and immediately faced some significant charges - spying if i recall correctly.

a few days before their "trial," i was watching a 20/20 bit with lisa ling, laura's sister and fairly well-known news correspondent (cnn, the view, and, everybody's favorite, channel one). there lisa sat, telling the heart-rending story of her sister's capture and imprisonment. many of the details remain unclear still, but from the start it wasn't a good situation and turned for the worse when laura and euna were sentenced to 12 years in a north korean labor camp. during the interview lisa ling, undoubtedly desiring to "tug on the heart strings" of ol' kimmey, uttered the words, "i believe in the good of all people" (or something very close to that).

you need to know that as a good wesleyan i could give you all the theological ins and outs of total depravity to which i firmly hold. honestly, though, i doubt most people who claim this sort of fundamental, though ambiguous, "good" in people are investigating the theological nuances of entire depravity. throughout history there have always been valiant attempts to do away with this Biblical and theological reality lying at the core of our hearts, but the perversion, brokenness, and the utter self-centeredness always seem to win out over the best that any pop-psychology has to offer. i presume, when such things are spoken people simply desire to smooth over that which is otherwise observable with vague generalities about "goodness." it would be easy to write lisa's line off as wishful thinking that is horribly misplaced or the wishful optimism of a hurting sister.

who doesn't like goodness and want to see more of it in this world? i really think there is a genuine desire in the majority of people to see more good things happen. the problem, however, is that too many often stop at a surface level good - again, it's all rather undefinable and ambiguous - but it makes people feel all cuddly. but once you get past the surface, i find the very reason i take my call to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ so seriously. i really believe that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is our only remedy and is the only one who can bring goodness into our lives.

but in this particular case, lisa's surface level statement seemed a bit misplaced and had me a bit mystified as well. doesn't all the gibberish about goodness go out the window when we're talking about kim jong il? does one really have to be theologically nuanced to recognize that a dictator who is not only harboring nuclear weapons but is threatening to use them is a rather ruthless fella? wasn't she talking about the regime that suspiciously arrested and sentenced two women to 12 years in a labor camp for something that allegedly happened? am i out on limb here? you'd think the ambiguity of "the good in all people" might even get a footnote somewhere along the line that reads: "except for people like kim jong il." even the UN sanctions this guy. i guess it's easy for humanity to delude itself. but at what point does the delusion end?

not too many days later i was in new york with jason, a friend who was in visiting. as i've mentioned before, one of my favorite places to visit when in the city is the village. a few record shops i enjoy, washington square, and there's always a sense of dylan nostalgia that runs through my veins...the hope that maybe revolution is still in the air.

anyway, on one of the days we were in the city, we were in the village looking for a place to eat before we made our way up to yankee stadium for a game. as evening was coming, a nice hard rain began to fall. we decided to scrap dinner plans and quickly make our way to 6th avenue to get out of the rain and head up to the bronx. on our way to the train we passed through washington square.

it's funny what people will do when film crews are out and about in new york. lights, camera and action tend to draw a crowd, whether it is raining or not. so there we stood without even knowing what was being filmed. all we could see were a bunch of people huddled around in a little circle, cheering as some music was going in the background. THEN out of nowhere, i see this dude jump up on a table, dancing up a storm.

okay...pre-confession time...the worst thing about hanging around to find out what movie is being filmed is that you almost feel obliged to drop $9 to see the thing. regardless of how bad the movie is you're going to see it because you were there. so here's my confession: they were filming "step up 3." were there really two others?! who knew? woe is me, but at some point i'll probably be seeing it. the only positive i can take from this confession is that i won't have to drop nine bucks to see it - straight to dvd.

if you haven't seen any of these teeny-bopper dramas, join the club. but even without seeing them, i'm fairly certain i have the basic gist of the storyline: two young kids dancing in the rain and falling in love...all sorts of scandalousness...add in a few extras urging the dance on and whala, you have yourself "step up 3."

after jason got his fill taking pictures to satisfy his addiction, we set out for the subway. but before we got too far, on the other side of washington square, there was another event getting ready to start. there, under the infamous arch, several people were setting up a small stage and a microphone. it had all the makings of a rally of some sort.

did i mention i get a little nostalgic when i'm down that way? several years ago, a friend asked me if i could live in any decade pre-me, which it would be. without even thinking, i said the 60s. no, not because i am into all that took place during that period, but because it just seemed to be a time when people were much more radical about things. regardless of whether they were singing about it or talking about it, it just seemed like they meant what they said. i readily admit this may be a completely false perception...but it justs seems that revolution was in the air and people were into it. i lament many of the things that came out of this period, but don't miss my point - people at least seemed to be aware and into what was happening in this world and wanted to see genuine change.

the rally that was about to begin was to show support for laura ling and euna lee. there we stood in the rain trying to figure out how long we had before game time and if we could stick around to be part of what was about to happen. it was rather sad actually. it had all the makings of a rally, except for the people... besides me and jason, there may have been a few others who weren't part of putting the thing together.

...and the rain kept coming. just a few minutes before the event was supposed to start, there was still no one. that's when we decided to make our move to the subway. about 30 feet from the arch, we ran into two college-aged gals. kind of excited, they asked, "what's going on over there?" i told them what was happening and they were blank and puzzled - apparently unaware of the situation surrounding laura and euna.

so, with a bit of jovialness, i pointed passed the arch to the east side of the park. i said, "over there they are filming 'step up 3.'" i vaguely remember hearing one of the girls excitedly say, "no way," but i couldn't quite make out her words as they made a beeline for the lights, camera and action.

what does all this tell us? i don't know, really...but for me these random experiences seemed connected somehow.

we like to say we believe in the good of all people, but even minus a theological perspective, it's not too difficult to see signs that it's just not true. but even more sadly, maybe because we've been telling ourselves that kind of stuff for so long, we've come to the place where we'd just like to believe it and don't really care to notice if something is lurking beneath our surface level statements. we live in this mundane world where nothing is the matter and nothing needs fixing or needs change, so why bother to care? it's easy to get distracted by the lights and glitter of a film crew because the only thing too many of us are radical about anymore is the emptiness of pop-culture...the only problem is that when we rush to see things like the latest 'step up' sequel, it's fairly easy to bypass reality.

but hey...the new yankee stadium was super.

we constantly need a stirring toward that which is important. without such a stirring toward reality, our voices too often get lost in the voices cheering for that which is not real...and really isn't all that great in the first place, but just seems exciting.
-scott|e.

what if?

2009-07-15T16:09:00.018-05:00

[update: it appears the 'the engebretson ridiculo/theolo-post' is on the cutting edge of coverage. i'm on politico.com today and found an article entitled, "obama losing his cool?" i checked the dates - definitely after my keen insights here. ]

today i finished my tour de force of doctor visits with my first post-30 physical. for this one i made sure i was in the safe confines of one whom i trust - i made the appointment with the family doctor in louisville that i had been going to before leaving for mississippi. but even with all the feelings of security from our previous encounters, there was still that lingering worry about what was in store for this particular physical. let me illustrate (vaguely. for those who have ears, let them hear...if not, it's probably better that way): last night i was tormented by the thought that not only would this doctor be pulling out one of my wedgies but that he might take it a step further...if you know what i mean. i'm happy to report there was no intrusion to speak of. and while i received no blog material from this visit i found that was a rather refreshing change.

anyway, on the way back to wilmore i was listening to rush on the radio. as i've mentioned before, as much as i agree with the ideas and their principles, sometimes listening to conservative talk radio is frustrating, especially with some of the chosen topics for discussion. for about two hours this afternoon i listened to rush analyze and bust on pres. obama because he threw out the first pitch of the all-star game "like a girl" (notice the quotations). you be the judge:

as a matter of fact, he does throw like a girl, but everyone knows obama's game is basketball anyway (more on that later).

ahhh, yes...exactly what we need; a cheap, frivolous jab about obama's throwing arm as sotomayor is getting ready to be confirmed for the supreme court and health care "reform" is getting ready to be metaphorically "remove-wedgie-and-inserted" for the people, by the congress and administration (and for those keen readers wondering, reform is not the problem...reform that will deform the health care system is). quite frankly, i didn't desire the literal version this morning and don't desire the politically metaphorical version in just a few weeks time.

so there i sat listening...frustrated that the pitch was getting so much airtime when so many crucial things were coming down the line. BUT THEN IT HIT ME...a blog thought, and a metaphorical one at that!

i would assume there's little debate about whether or not obama was/is the coolest president we have ever elected. i mean seriously, who compares in the coolness department? i remember clinton on arseino hall busting out the saxophone, but that doesn't come close to obama's smooth talking, the fact that the guy sends texts to those who support him, he's twitter savvy, and of course there is the infamously indestructible blackberry (the last category catapults him into over the top coolness in my book). he's simply a likable guy and i'm sure that's why so many voted for him. is it too much to assume that many thought his coolness alone would bring about the change and hope he so oft talked about. maybe...

but as i talk to (and listen to) more and more "independents" who are now "leaning to the right" after just a few months of a cool president, i'm intrigued. could the pitch be more than a pitch? could it speak to something far deeper?

what if obama isn't as cool as we thought? what if he throws like a girl? what if, hiding underneath all that "cool" rhetoric, it turns out to be an awkward political mess? (though i'm not completely comfortable with it, i think i just said a girl throws like an "awkward political mess." in the words of hannah, "my lands...")

i didn't see the actual pitch last night, but when i heard the president was throwing it, i assumed it would be smooth. but not so much. i wonder if folks aren't feeling a similar sensation about the pitch they were given leading up to november. i've really enjoyed several people proclaiming with pride that they voted for obama as though they've conquered the world with their declaration...i always ask a simple question - "how's that working out for ya?" i wonder how many expectations have been short-hoped in the last few months.

everybody knows basketball is obama's game; so, why am i now caught up in the discussions about him on a baseball diamond? but then i started thinking about his moments in the basketball spotlight...every time i've seen him on the court he looks like he's suited up for the local "holiness-unto-the-Lord" intramural team.

i want to say there is not a single thing wrong with modesty on a basketball court. in fact, i've played with many friends who were sincere and consistent in their modesty and thought long pants and even long sleeves were appropriate (apparently, obama was playing in a moderate holiness league when the pic above was taken). most of these guys are unconcerned about whether or not someone at the gym thinks they are cool or not - the whole thing is about something else that i can appreciate.

so the question then becomes, is obama concerned with some vaunted, presidential sense of modesty and therefore wears pants on the court as an awareness of his position? i think not:

all im' saying is this, if modesty ain't the reason for the pants on the basketball court, i'm not sure sure the guy belongs there either.

time to wrap up. maybe obama isn't as "cool" as so many initially thought he was. and if that is the case, what if he doesn't turn out to be what so many thought he was supposed be in the political arena either? if he's not, here's all i'm saying...we may be on our way to a government-funded doctor's office visit, which has the potential to afflict us with a great deal of torment and be a rather uncomfortable intrusion in our lives...if you know what i mean ;).

in true athletic coolness,
-scott|e.

the pieces of the puzzle.

2009-06-29T08:12:00.005-05:00

[i must be fatigued...the original post from yesterday was a disaster grammatically and in basically every other area of writing. i present...some edits.]

well, it's been too long. things have been crazy in the new jersey edition of the engebretson household and we have been keeping fairly busy.

the summer before hannah and i moved to new jersey my mom, the bride, and i took a mini-vacation/apartment hunting trip to the area. we stayed with mom's cousin in central jersey for a few days and were trying to find just the right place to setup shop while we were in the garden state. the only problem: we had no idea where or what we were really looking for. apartments were crazy expensive and we were trying to find a suitable place to bridge the gap between princeton (school) and edison (the church). now, in normal life, the mere 26 miles between school and the church wouldn't be a big deal. but have you visited jersey lately? if you find yourself in the wrong spot, the first mile of that 26 could take anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes, and i was going to be making the commute between both locales quite often...

i had done a ton of looking online (what did people do before the internet?) and had a general sense of what we were getting into, but i feared getting stuck in a mess from the very beginning. so we looked in princeton and found some okay options, but being that far south made it a bit of a trip to the church. really, the best case scenario would be to find something right in the center, between princeton and edison.

we only had three days (if i recall correctly) to find a place and get our upcoming move in order. at the end of the second day i realized our mission was in trouble. no gps in jersey was proving to be a bit more trying than i had envisioned and we weren't getting anywhere. nothing felt right: either too expensive, too far, or too shady... on our last day of searching we had a couple places lined up to visit and there was one final complex i had wanted to check out...the only problem, i had no idea how to get there and google map was all jacked up. i needed to call the apartment office to get some directions. my friend lisa, the apartment manager, answered the phone with the quintessential northeast response (think: a little attitude) - "i can't tell you how to get here...i commute to this place from PA. i don't know where you are, sorry can't help yas. [click!]" okay, the "click" was a bit much and didn't really happened, but that's the way it felt.

so after overshooting the right exit and wandering down a long river road, i spotted a street i remembered lisa had mentioned. which way to turn...? left, i guess. finally, we found our way onto hamilton street and i can distinctly remember slowly lurching down the road to be sure we didn't miss the place. then, there seemed to be this break as we drove along and on the left was the apartment complex we had been looking for.

i walked into lisa's office and asked if they had anything available and her curt answer was "no. nothing." oh, i thought she had just told me over the phone that they did...but i wasn't going to mess with this chick. so, dejected, i turned to leave and get lost once again in the maze of new jersey roads, when she said, "well" again with attitude, "what you are looking for?" ummm...an apartment!? i thought that would have been obvious considering the situation...but i digress. "when do you need it?" she asked. we were flexible, but needed it by the end of august (about a month, give or take). after a few back-and-forths, we were on our way to tour one of their new, remodeled apartments.

turned out lisa was a community manager who knew how to get things done and was down right good at. we walked into one of the apartments and the place was incredible - everything was basically new: new appliances, new kitchen, newly remodeled bathrooms, and the hardwood floors had just been refinished. at about this point, i knew the drill: i ask how much, and she responds by telling me about $1000 more than we could possibly afford a month. so when she told me what the rent was, i assumed i had gotten a bit of a buzz from the finish rising from the hardwood and didn't hear her right. "whhhaaaaad you saaaaaaaaaay, man?" i asked with bloodshot eyes. "cooool, we'll take it..."

as we get ready to leave this place tomorrow, i'm looking back on that day and really we had no idea. we had no idea how perfect things were coming together. i could go into a ton of detail about our location, our proximity to major thoroughfares and the train station; the ease of getting to both school and the church; how this location opened up the door for hannah to start at the piscataway starbucks; and on and on i could go. i just remember the sense we both had as we looked through that empty apartment with lisa. this was it and we knew it...God didn't speak to us and say "YES, SCOTT THIS SHALL THY BE YOUR ABODE." it was just good. while we knew that, we had no clue how kind God was really being in our lives. we had no idea about so many other pieces of the puzzle that were also coming together, unbeknownst to us. God's graciousness exploded upon our lives as we worked our way down hamilton. i just recall a distinct clarity about it all.

now, once again we are seeing the providential care of God. again, i could go into all sorts of details (and i may at some point), but i've got to get to work packing. it's been crazy...but we're sensing God's goodness toward us as the pieces of the puzzle are coming together in this transition...

thanks for your prayers. we pack tomorrow and head out of town on wednesday afternoon. pray for my sanity.
-scott|e.

justice & empathy...with impartiality?

2009-05-27T17:40:00.031-05:00

there's much talk these days about the joining of a judge's empathy and impartiality...and i get it. but the way it is being discussed - from both sides - is a bit of a mystery to me.

before i get very far into this little post, you need to know i don't know much about justice sotomayor - so there's no sense in acting as though i do. i have read national review on her and i have read (lightly) the new republic on her, which gives me some sense of what she will bring to the table, but i don't have the corner on her. i have indeed heard her now infamous youtube statement at duke and i have heard her line ad nauseam about how her experience somehow trumps a white guy's in making judicial decisions. as you are most likely aware, i'm really not into such statements or such ideology... but lest we beat a political dead horse here, i thought i might touch on something else for your reading pleasure.

a few months ago, a friend from back home was talking about glenn beck and suggested that i listen to him. it turned out that his show was on during my daily commute into princeton and so i have been listening to him every so often for the last couple of months.

now there is much that he says that i think is on target. i think he's probably more right than he is wrong and i would probably agree with him more than i disagree with him. i like a lot of his commitments and his 12/9 thingy. but at the same time - and i don't know what it is - there's just some blockage that i can't manage to get past with this dude. i think he can be fairly funny and his sarcasm at times makes me happy, but still there is a disconnect somewhere along the line. i still listen to him from time to time and still agree with him about much, but his style leaves me desiring more.

the other day i was taking the mom into philly so that she could catch her flight, and we happened to be listening to glenn in the background of our conversation. right in the middle of our trip and in the midst of glenn's show, obama announced his supreme court nomination. actually, it was quite funny to hear little comments from glenn and his buddy over top of the live press conference. they can be rather witty and obnoxious (which is something i rather enjoyed for the most part).

before the announcement was officially made, glenn was hitting all the standard things you've been hearing heading into obama's decision: judges making (or not making) policy, why latina women are better at "impartial" judgments than are white males, and of course obama's empathy qualification for his nominations. i want to focus on this notion of empathy for a moment. and just so no one thinks i fell on my head or was smitten by my recent graduation and somehow fundamentally altered my political perspective...the way i sense pres. obama uses empathy in such decisions bothers me to no end and i think sotomayor's comments, that seem to rely on a similar disposition, are completely asinine.

but...as we continued to listen to the radio show after the announcement, it became rather clear that in glenn's opinion empathy has no place in the supreme court. this is at least the way it came across as he mocked the notion. of course, i fully recognize he could have been trying to tilt the scales (if you will) of the conversation back to normalcy, but there was still something there that just didn't come off right.

to be clear, the problem is not with empathy...the problem is with partial empathy, or as i will suggest below, extending empathy beyond what is appropriate (which seems to be the direction obama leans).

here's my point. conservatives, particularly those of the Christian persuasion, do a great deal of talking about how this country and its laws are founded upon a Judeo-Christian worldview. i would agree with such things. but it seems we are prone to affirm only a partial aspect of this influence, focusing on the need for justice as though it were devoid of empathy. but the fact of the matter is that the influence of a Judeo-Christian worldview, which has made this country so unique in many ways, has fundamentally intertwined justice and empathy at its very core.

isn't this the beauty of equality? the notion of equality is empathic in that no one receives partiality - everybody gets a fair hearing before justice is meted out in order to "secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity." one might even say "innocent until proven guilty" is the very portrait of empathic justice. you're not guilty just because you're black...you're not guilty just because you're white; you're not guilty just because you're poor...you're not guilty just because you're rich; you're not guilty because you're a Muslim...you're not guilty just because you're a Christian. a sort of "equal protection of the laws" for any and all persons, regardless.

as jonah goldberg suggests:

"...who says conservatives are against judicial empathy? I, for one, am all for it. I’m for empathy for the party most deserving of justice before the Supreme Court, within the bounds of the law and Constitution. If that means siding with a poor black man, great. If that means siding with a rich white one, that’s great too. The same holds for gays and gun owners, single mothers and media conglomerates. We should all rejoice when justices fulfill their oaths and give everyone a fair hearing, even if that’s now out of fashion in the age of Obama."

i guess what i'm trying to say is that rather than mocking the idea of empathy, it might be wiser to articulate a way of emphasizing empathy...of the impartial sort. empathy not only belongs in the courtroom, but it's already inherent in our judicial system.

thus, to mock empathy as though it is inconsequential skews the reality just as promoting an extended sense of empathy seems to be problematic. i'm no lawyer or judge, but to me that is the real tension within a courtroom - to understand and identify, as pres. obama would say, "with people’s hopes and struggles," but all the while hold an impartial stance toward the constitution...justice with empathy.

by mocking the idea of empathy in the courtroom - for whatever the reason - it seems we tilt the scales too far in the other direction and do ourselves no favors by denying a proper perspective of impartial empathy that is rooted in our justice system.

just some thoughts...
-scott|e.

[much props to the engebretson ridiculo-theolo-post legal and political correspondent on this one. eric, you saved me from being accused of falling on my head over the weekend]

ANNOUNCING: another move forward...

2009-05-23T07:46:00.011-05:00

today i graduate. i wish i could describe adequately the awareness i have in my life that such things don't come along without others.

for instance, there's a part of me that knows Hannah's name should go somewhere on this diploma. the time she invested in editing my papers, listening to me talk through an idea, or helping me think a little bit more clearly is untold. it astonishes me really. but that's not the way things work in academia, one name on one diploma...but inherently i know there's got to be something more than this blog to say all that she has done and given up over the last couple years to make this day possible. she is quite the woman...and i am grateful for her life.

in the same way, i know all too well that many of you have supported us in a variety of ways through yet another degree. be it financial, prayer, or just listening to me complain about being 30 and still being in school - like i said...these events don't take place without others. so i offer my thanks.

so, in a reflective mood as i look forward to graduation this afternoon, i wanted to pass along my ("our") graduation announcement to say thanks and let you know how much i appreciate the prayers, support and love so many have sent our way over the past few years.

it's a good feeling to move forward.

...after a little celebrating today, we set our sights on the next adventure and what God has for us back in the midwest.

with love and appreciation,
-scott|e.

[by the way, i don't know if it's because i feel like i've done too many of these things already or just was not impressed with what the school was offering by way of announcements, i decided to forgo buying additional announcements than what the school gave me - so this is as official as it gets!]

holy moley: i've been violated.

2009-05-14T16:25:00.018-05:00

i've got to set this one up - bear with me.

i still remember the time my mom came into my room one summer day and said, "scott, i made an appointment for your yearly physical. but you need to know, honey, dr. jones isn't available, so you will be seeing dr." ...let's call her, "dr. gilbert." with a subtle, but quiet sheepishness, my mom asked, "are you okay with that?" in my youthful naïveté (i think i was like eleven or something), i had no idea what was in store for me at that doctor's appointment, or why my mother was making such a big deal about it. all i knew was that i needed a physical to be able to play sports.

well, when dr. gilbert asked me to drop my drawers and cough, i realized what the "big deal" was. hannah, file this away under the 'parental advice' folder for future reference: if we have a little boy in october, and in eleven or so years you schedule him a physical with "dr. woman"...make sure you provide full disclosure.

(as an aside, as i was writing the above paragraph, i asked hannah how you spell "drop my drawers"? she responded with "d-r-o-p." really, hannah? you think i needed help spelling "drop" out of that sequence? really? i just wanted to make sure i was using the right drawer term. she obviously thinks i'm going to do a great in the ph.d. program. ...but such is life.)

flash forward thirty years (wait...19 years that is. been watching too much 'lost' lately). now that i'm done with classes and have some freedom on my hands i'm doing a whirlwind doctor tour over the next few weeks. the dentist, eyes, epi-pens...basically the whole shebang to make sure i'm not dying in my old age. so this morning i made a trip to the dharma initiative...i mean the dermatologist (it's going to be a long wait for season 6). right before the bride went pregnant, she got the brillant idea that we, both being moley, should get checked while we have some decent insurance. sounded fine with me and this morning was my turn. there i sat for about an hour to get a five minute skin screening.

...but that five minutes was full of all sorts of surprises. trust me.

minute 1 -
i like to add a little humor to my doctor visits these days. after filling out three pages of information that they will not read and will either take directly from my insurance card or ask me in just a few moments, i decided to humor myself with some of the answers. at the end of these information dissertations they always ask about other activities.

do you consume alcohol: no
do you use product: only on my hair (that was a joke)
do you smoke: no
do you take any other substances: no
do you exercise: i wish.

the elderly nurse got a chuckle out of the one about exercising. thought i was being honest rather than funny (oh, wait...i was). then she handed me the gown and stepped out of the room.

minute 2 -
of course, everyone knows those gowns that open up in the back. but have you ever seen anyone go WWE on one of these things? are they really supposed to be one size fits all? i hope not. i put mine on and realize i'm getting no coverage...it's now officially "the gown that opens on the sides." we're talking no coverage

(ahh, yes, now the race to the comments to see who can come up with the best quip about my pregnant pic below. seriously, i may be packing on some pounds recently, but i really was pushing out in that picture...so can we please save ourselves the time and effort).

anyway, feeling a little awkward about the non-coverage, i start wrestling with this 55% post-consumer recycled paper product and in the process it starts shredding on me. it was a hopeless scene. after finally giving up, i sat down in my defeat and as i did the thing tore along my thigh, exposing the bottom edge of my boxers like i was trying to give off a "signal." by the time the doctor came into the room, i'm sure it must have looked as though i had had an event with wolverine.

minute 3 -
small talk about moles with dr. gilbert's sister. ahh yes, that's right, a chick to check the moles all over my ravishing 30 year old body. beautiful...

minute 4 -
more small talk...the ABCDs of moles, blah...blah...blah... and all the while, all i can think about is how much she is going to want to check and will she ask me to cough.

then the moment arrived. "okay, stand up and let me check your buttocks," she says. now, there's a part of me that totally wanted to bust out the moment she said "buttocks"...you know, diffuse the situation with a bit of immaturity and get a good laugh to make things a little less awkward. let her know i'm alright with myself and all that...

but just as i'm about to go into my humorous spiel i realize i've got a monster wedgie that i've got no way of remedying. you've got to be kidding me. i try to mask it...maybe she won't notice. maybe it's covered by the gown...right? wait a minute, i've got no coverage. maybe it won't be a big deal. so i pull the boxers down a centimeter at my waistline, but apparently she needed to check more of my retail. that was the moment i'm pretty sure she removed the wedgie for me.

minute 5 -
i'm dressed again and as i'm walking out of the room i see the doctor talking with the young office assistant, obviously giggling. after spotting me, they both became rather uncomfortable. yea...definitely talking about the wedge.

it was like i was reliving my childhood all over again, only this time i knew i had been violated.

next time, hannah, i choose the doctor. ...we'll call him "dr. dude."

bye,
-scott|e.

a 'so long,' to two who will be missed...

2009-05-14T16:13:00.005-05:00

today it became official. tom moore and howard mudd retired from the national football league. during the colt's run over the last decade both of these assistant coaches have been fixtures and retired based on some decisions by the owners. i don't know all the in and outs of this decision, so i won't comment here.

i simply wanted to make note that the offensive, though most certainly will not fold with #18 at the helm, will be different. they were fine coaches and will be missed.

this is yet another significant change to the colt's sideline for the upcoming year. marvin is gone, the defensive coordinator - ron meeks - is gone, and now these two assistants on offensive side will not be there. we'll have to wait until the year gets underway to see what comes of these changes....

above, is my favoriate picture of moore. it was taken after the back and forth of the afc championship game against the patriots and speaks volumes. i'll miss him.
-scott|e.

the return...

2009-05-10T15:20:00.005-05:00

alright, finals are over and i finally think i've done all the other things i had put off trying to get them over with...and so now i'm ready to delve back in.

much has been going on...as you will soon see. hannah is in the middle of her 18th week and we are moving right along trying to prepare ourselves for all that is ahead in what will certainly be a crazy-busy summer.

many have been asking for (demanding!) baby bump pics. alright...alright.

first, an artistic representation:

(unfortunately for me, this will be my last "natural" artistic representation of hannah's bulge...my head almost burst as i tried to make it as accurate as possible for the photo session. but i'll think of something for the remaining months, trust me.)

aren't you glad i'm back? feel free not to respond to that question. let's just say it was rhetorical.

and now, for all those wanting some forreal tmz style baby bump pics, a couple are below for your viewing pleasure. quite beautiful...

so there you have it...
i'm back and hannah's getting.....ummm, i better forget any attempt at humor and just say everybody is healthy!!!

posting again soon,
-scott|e.

late night, coffee shop musings.

2009-04-21T23:56:00.005-05:00

it's finals week and i'm setting up shop at a local 24-hour establishment trying to hold it all together.

after reading some news online to try to stay awake, here's the thought i had:

who knew HOPE would look so backwards...i mean look so much to the past...i mean not forward.

bye.
-scott|e.

things left to do in april...

2009-04-19T08:03:00.002-05:00

4/22/09 (1:04am) - exam went well. and i also feel good about the paper portion of the exam. now i simply need to spend the next three days finishing my paper on Exodus 20:1-3 & 23:1-9. so close....feeling pretty good...but i'll feel much better after a few more hours tonight and a solid day of bringing all my research together and writing this thing.

hannah has started her work on my other paper....i told her tonight that it seems these weeks are just as busy for her. i hate that....but that girl is good at what she does. it might be appropriate for her name to go on the diploma.

--------------------------------------

4/20/09 (11:00pm) - today wasn't all that productive. was up till 4am this morning and got my review done last night. slowly working on my Exodus exegesis paper. hebrew translation final tomorrow at 2pm-ish (maybe 2:30pm). still much to be done tonight. need to review all of my translations from the semester to be prepared for tomorrow. once that is finished tomorrow, it will be busy, busy, busy. will need to finalize my 20 page paper (basically done, minus a conclusion and hannah's magic), but will need to really exert a lot of time on finalizing the other paper

hope all is well...

---------------------------------

4/18/09 SATURDAY (10:30am) - still much to be done. basically have my OT theology paper done. just need to reread it and bring the point home in the conclusion. feel good about
it. this afternoon i will be finishing my book review and then transitioning full out on my hebrew exegesis. have a good sense about the passage and just need to get it on paper. but i'll have the whole week (with no classes to get in the way) to write. it's a super score (AND A COMPLETE SURPRISE!!) that i was able to get my larger paper done and out of the way... feeling good, but still much to be done.

by the way, i have no idea why i keep updating this thing. someone said to me the other day that "i have no idea why anyone would think someone else wants to read what's going on in their life" ....that really made sense to me. but hey, if you're still checking these updates, i could use the prayer!
-------------------------------------------------

4/16/09 (1:00) - been trying to get to sleep for the last couple hours. other than that, things are going pretty well on the school front. my paper is 75% done, and should be reading for my editor (that's the bride, if you're wondering) sometime tomorrow. very pleased and even in my sleepless state tonight, i've been able to clarify my ideas a bit more.

been gradually studying for my hebrew translation exam next tuesday.

still need to finalize my book review and critique. but have a solid gameplan, just been focusing on this other paper.

thankful it looks like i'm going to be able to focus on my exegesis paper beginning on friday and through the weekend. this is a huge score...so, if you've been praying it's much appreciated.

finally, does ortiz still play baseball?! this is ridiculous....
thanks for all the prayers.

don't know why i'm having trouble getting to sleep tonight. i could use it though. i thought tonight would be a good night of rest...guess not.

--------------------------------------------

4/14/09 (1:50am) - seven pages done. not bad for a days work. don't think i'll have to significantly redo what i've written. day off today (tuesday); hoping to get a good bit of this paper done during the day. still have hebrew to translate and reading to finish up before class on wednesday.

happy with the progress of monday....need to keep pushing through.

4/13/09 - this morning has been a success...many things coming together and getting knocked out...but the rest of today (following class) is integral. please be praying. there's so much that still needs to be done and if i can have a great afternoon and late evening, i will be in good shape.
--------------------------------------

as is the case during this time of year, my style gets cramped a bit. it feels more so this time around...who's the genius that decided 10-week semesters would be a good idea.

here's my list:

one paper discussing creation and new creation in the old testament (roughly 20 pages). [finish the conclusion in the next day or so and be done with it]
lots of baseball on the good ol' gamecast. [that's better...]
one paper on exodus 20:1-3 and the implications of the exclusivity of Yhwh's claims on us, which pushes us toward justice within our own community and toward others (roughly 15 pages). [formulating...still]
[DONE] all the remaining semester readings and assignments. [some success, but why did each of my professors decide to pile it on at the end???]
[DONE] one translation exam on exodus. [think it went well]
[DONE] one book review on michael walzer's (a political philosopher) view of the exodus, and place that in conversation with edward said's critique of his work (roughly 6 pages). [pleased with it]
pursue the doors that God is opening for our next steps (would appreciate the prayers) [pretty clear...more on that next week]
Holy Week, weekly meetings at the church, youth group each week and other things. [good weekend services & a good sabbath. now the work load begins.]
and let us not forget, the purchase of a new dylan album...april 28. [awaiting its arrival]

time is running short. so if you don't hear from me for a bit...that's why.
hope all is well.
-scott|e.

i vote (while i still can) for being a citizenry

2009-04-18T09:17:00.003-05:00

now, listen...i know mr. mark steyn can get fairly confrontational....but beyond his sometimes hyperbole (much like my title above... i recognize that in this country we'll always have the form of democracy, but that's certainly different than the substance of democracy), he's just good.

the heart of the matter is the same question posed two-and-a-third centuries ago: Are Americans subjects or citizens? If the latter, then a benign sovereign should not be determining “your interests” and then announcing that he’s giving you a “tax credit” as your pocket money.

check out his most recent article at NR. he's dealing with the tea parties (of which i didn't attend, if you're wondering) of the past week, but - in my humble opinion - the article transcends that focal point.

hope all is well.
-scott|e.

:: our response ::

2009-04-10T13:08:00.003-05:00

the time is: 2:09pm; good friday.

(pic taken from the gnjac weekly digest)

as we move toward our remembrance of His final cry, i thought i would post a brief section of what i was reading earlier.

we have no speech or language with which to address God but the speech and language called Jesus Christ. in Him our humanity, our human understandings, our human word are taken up, purified and sanctified, and addressed to God the Father for us as our very own - and that is the word of man with which God is well pleased.
tom torrance, the mediation of Christ.

the opportunities we have to be made new in Him are many. may we live - may we struggle to live - in that potential for newness.

-scott|e.

feel a change comin' on

2009-04-06T17:21:00.005-05:00

check out the stream of a track from dylan's forthcoming album.

here.

so nice...enjoy.
-scott|e.

a brief lesson in politics...from michael moore.

2009-04-02T12:45:00.022-05:00

[this post has been edited for the last time: 4/3/09, 6:00pm (est). after several reads and a lot of frustration and displeasure with the final product, this is what i got and it's what's remaining. i wrote the original fairly quick yesterday afternoon, but was never really settled on it. at least now it seems i've gotten to my core concern]

earlier this week michael moore posted a blog entry, in which he wrote a 'letter' discussing pres. obama's decision to fire GM's CEO over the weekend. yesterday, i saw moore's blog link on the drudgereport, i quickly read through it and got a good laugh. didn't think much of it (see my first point). but then i heard it again this morning as i listened to some political talk on my way down to campus.

before we get into the heart of what i want to say, i would like to extend the right hand of charity and give respect where it is due. it should come as no surprise to most of you that i am in a different place in much of my political thinking than is our president. i am principally conservative, which means i have some different views on many issues with the president. however, i in no way think that such a thing is bad; i am not of the wrongheaded mindset that we must demand bipartisanship at all costs. sure, there are places for bipartisanship, but it's overrated.

in a nutshell, here's what is mean: i truly believe there is something valuable to be gained in the dialogue of differing perspectives and ideologies as we try to move this country forward that makes america unique (a conversation which, by the way, should not be limited to republicans and democrats alone). no need to get into the philosophical presuppositions here, i just think it is useful to inhabit the tensions of partisanship, rather than try to level these differences out by the edict of whoever is in power at the moment (and i'm not just saying that because conservatives are not in power at the moment). all sides have a lot to learn here.

so anyway, here is my right hand. one of the unintended consequences of pres. barack obama's decision last weekend, which ironically offered me a taste of that nebulous HOPE i should be able to believe in, happened after the firing. michael moore stated: "[pres. obama's] action left me speechless for the past two days." michael moore speechless?...for two days?! truly this is hope & change we can believe in.

but, alas, as i said this was most certainly an unintended consequence of a decision that has left me quite unsure of what i had been sure of, even in uncertain economic times. i wasn't aware the president was allowed to fire a CEO.

moore rightly points out that a lot of people are wondering the same thing. responding to such questions - such as: "what does this mean?," "can the president do this?," etc. - his reply was a little disconcerting. what can be done? in moore's opinion, "Not much, fellows. He [obama] has the massive will of the American people behind him -- and he has been granted permission by us to do what he sees fit."

which brings me to my point.

didn't george w. bush take a lot of grief and criticism during his eight years in office for doing what he saw fit? or was it just that he "saw fit" texan style, which rubbed people the wrong way? am i missing something? george w. "saw fit" to do many things that many people disagreed with, but should our response have been "well, we granted him permission when we elected him"?

yes, i know it's michael moore. why am i taking the time? i get that. but apparently, as long as you agree with and/or voted for the person making the decisions, he or she can do whatever they please. i guess i'm confused.

and yet, this confusion offers us a pretty clear lesson about politics. for all of those who wanted a "superhero" in obama (read moore's letter) who would offer change and would transcend and smooth all the "rough edges" of bipartisanship with his cool demeanor, we may have simply gotten someone who does what he sees fit...just from a different perspective. but politics is like this.

we do indeed grant our political figures an immense amount of power by electing them to office (particularly our presidents). our hope is that we have elected one who will make solid decisions.

but the point of this post is about change. while many things have certainly changed in policy matters from the previous eight years to what is and will happen under obama's administration, in many respects it also seems clear that the process hasn't really changed all that much. this is politics. it might make me feel a little better about things if folks were a little more honest and humble about such realities, rather than granting a person the power to do what he see fit just because he or she voted for that person.

have a great weekend...
-scott|e.

blogging etiquette and motherly advice

2009-03-30T14:24:00.024-05:00

there are many blogs out there that are forced to monitor and post disclaimers both to and for their readers about proper commenting etiquette. some blogs (less enjoyable to read than ours no doubt) can get fairly controversial and generate some spirited dialogue. actually, "spirited" probably isn't the best descriptor. more like all-out verbal warfare...folks, unhindered in their anonymity, start throwing blows with their remarks right out of the gate. in my younger days (and actually even into my 30s) i too have at times enjoyed both the sparing...and the anonymity. thus, the need for constant reminders and lessons in etiquette.

if there's one thing the "engebretson ridiculo/theolo-post" is not, it is controversial. i might share a few principally conservative posts from time to time, all in the hopes of trying to bait doug into a good verbal lashing, but in general, nobody is getting up in arms about me losing my hair. you know what i'm saying? a laugh maybe, but then we move on.

as a result, having to deal with inappropriate comments is not a pressing concern for us.

but it has come to my attention over the last few days that there has been a breach of commenting etiquette on this blog and i need to address it. if you read the comments following my posts, let me first and foremost apologize to you. while we do attempt to be family oriented on this site, i am aware of the problem and hope to address it satisfactorily. honestly, i wish this could have been dealt with privately, but it seems that a public disclaimer is my only course of action in the hopes of seeing real change.

so, i would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my mother's fawning over my writing prowess and genius. apparently, i have a knack for never ceasing to amaze her. i bring before the court of my readers two instances of unshackled nepotism running a muck here. the first instance was in response to "prego pics." she said, "You are a mess! You never cease to amaze me." undoubtedly, she meant this in the most endearing way. the second incident, six days later and as though she copied and pasted her previous comment, came in response to "the coffe pot, dylan @ bogarts, and lent." the mom's comment for this post was, "Wow.....you never cease to amaze me..."

ahh, yes, just what every 30-year-old-blogger-son dreams about - his mother toadying his "amazingness" for everybody to read. surely, this justifies a public rebuke for lack of etiquette and deserves my motherly adivce:

yes, mom, we both know i'm amazing; but shhhhh...
don't tell everyone. let's keep that one a secret...just between us. huh?! ;)

depending on the tone, "you never cease to amaze me" can shift from fawning to frustrated in the matter of a nano-second. trust me i know from much experience. in all seriousness, though, my mom is the best. an encourager extraordinaire and one who has always overflowed with love toward us kids. and, as much as i joke, i am appreciative of her consistent love and support even in the midst of my seemingly perpetual stupidity (think, this blog topic).

(the fawning one with the "never cease to amaze"one)

...but, mom, before you go drying those tears forming due to my brief dabble in sentimentality, just remember - let's keep it a secret!

the comment enforcer & your "amazing" son,
-scott|e.

this is how _ _ start...

2009-03-25T15:19:00.019-05:00

as i have lamented on this blog before (see reason #1), it is a rather disconcerting reality to lose one's hair. this is particularly the case when i had so vigorously busted on one who will remain unnamed all throughout my childhood. ahh, yes. i was secured in the fact that i had the great blessing of my father's head of hair. well, so much for that...

every time i step into a barber shop to get my hair cut these days, i fully recognize my window for such experiences (beyond what might be considered standard grooming practices) is persistently closing.

in high school there was little more i enjoyed than my bi-weekly trip to 'the clipper' to hang out with Durbin. never once did i envision such experiences would devolve into the current state of affairs of me either sheepishly climbing into the barber's chair not wanting to look anyone in the eye or trying to make jokes in the hopes of making all parties feel better about the whole experience.

my philosophy on haircuts has been in a state of flux since i discovered (more like was humiliated by one of my best friends the night before my wedding) "the island" (as i shall henceforth refer to the small patch of hair becoming more distinct on top of my head). the first stage, of course, is denial. just keep going as though i wasn't aware and just hope nobody else notices. the second stage is a combination of things. first, allow more time between haircuts; second, with all the "extra" hair on top investigate a few new potential styles in hopes of masking the gradual but inevitable demise; and finally use "product" (see explanation of this enigma below). the third stage, is where i am currently. this basically consists of taking ‘the heck with it’ approach. since i know i don't have many “full” cuts left in my future, might as well get a good one while i still have such opportunities.

but i’ve found this philosophy under attack each time i get my hair cut. it never fails… after I tell them what attachment to use ("3"), in shocked disapproval they always reply, “which one?” then, after snipping a centimeter here and a centimeter there, i let them know they are free to take a little more off the top if they so desire. i mean, i do like to feel like i’m paying for some type of service here. but there always seems to be that uncomfortable pause as i tell them they should take a little more off. finally, without fail, the topic of “product” always comes up. “do you use any product?” my first experience with this question resulted in, “no, i’m a pastor, i don’t smoke it.” but come to find out they’re talking rogaine-esque “product.” spend $30 dollars on some shampoo and we’ll throw in the conditioner, at half the fl. oz., for $40… sounds like such a good deal when they say it?! let me get this straight, not only do they insult me virtually every time i show my face (or scalp, if you prefer) in this place, but they try to rob me too…? i always respond by telling them “i have used” and my follicles don’t seem to respond to the intense burning on a daily basis. most folks drop the issue at that point, but the lively ones go a step further and let me know it’s a good thing i’ve been using or it’d already all be gone. 'ppreciate that.

so with the formative assault on my haircutting philosophy, i continue to find it’s harder and harder to get a good haircut anymore. they either cut it too short or not enough.

speaking of enough, enough with all this - i need to get to the point.

a week or so ago i went to get a haircut. i came home knowing it was more like a hairsnip, and i was frustrated. what had i just dropped my money on? after the first round of (non)cuts, i asked her to take a little more off. she responded with a few more clips…but nothing substantial. i didn’t want to have to call in an interpreter…so i let it go, paid my bill and drove home. after washing my hair, i realized what she had done. she left the area just behind the “the island” a little longer to mask the vacancy. to make matters worse, when Hannah got home and saw it, she said, "she must have known what she was doing, because it looks nice." fine and good...glad it looks nice.

but then the thought occurred to me…when the haircutter either goes against ones wishes or doesn't understand the person making those wishes (both of which are problems as one gradually comes to the end of his haircut days), and, far more discouraging, when one's wife thinks it looks nice....the only conclusion one can come to is: this is how comb overs start.
bye.
-scott|e.

the coffee pot, dylan @ bogarts, and lent.

2009-03-21T08:50:00.022-05:00

well, the spring break induced barrage of posts here has come to a sudden and inevitable stop. classes began again this week and after a spring break of doing little more than posting here and reading a few non-class materials (calvin!), i have to get some things done for class now.

but taking a quick break, i am going to try to weave all the elements in the title above into one coherent thought. no quite certain how this is going to go, but hey, let's face it, coherency is not necessarily a recurring theme of "the engebretson ridiculo/theolo-post"...i think i've already set a pretty good precedent for the lack thereof, actually.

first up, the coffee pot. the other week i made an unfortunate mistake - i left our blessed coffee pot for far too long and too many days with old grounds and old coffee sitting in it. generally this isn't a problem in our home. coffee is made at least once daily at the apartment. but there are occasions when i'm up too early or running on a tight schedule and forgo the whole coffee making experience (and trust me when you have all the latest discounted starbucks coffee-making-paraphernalia, it truly is an experience). so there it sat for almost a week, and when i finally returned to make some coffee i discovered my mistake.

in stubborn hope, i proceeded as normal hoping that the dark residue inside the carafe would not alter the taste...but it was a futile hope as i slowly poured the pot of freshly made coffee down the sink. even i couldn't bear to drink it...and i'm far from uppity about my coffee (but it was like drinking dunkin' donuts coffee).

in my coffee pot cleaning naivete i just knew i had ruined our spaceship look-a-like machine (ohhh, know i know what an apple user feels when they say "machine"). i basically treasure this thing (it has no name, just in case you were wondering....i ain't that dude). but not only does it make a good cup of coffee, but it was also a Christmas gift from hannah early in our relationship. how was i going to tell hannah i screwed it up (upon further deliberation, this internal line of questioning doesn't seem so unique...). all i knew was that the coffee was bad...very bad (thus concludes my paragraph of asides).

so when hannah woke up she glibly tells me she'll pick up some "descaler" at work. i'm thinking, "'descaler,' oh, crap?! i've done it this time...she's cooking fish tonight and i'm a dead man." turns out in coffee-la-la-land "descaler" = cleaner. me ruining the coffee pot would not end in my capital punishment by forced fish ingestion. this was on a saturday.

when she got home, i started the process, with prayer. hannah said, you know it may take a couple cleanings. but after only one...the inside of that pot was like new. sunday morning was a good morning.

now, the dylan @ bogarts piece. the show happened in july 1999 and i can still remember that new feeling. almost two years after God began His work in me. it was a persistent (seemingly daily) newness...a freshness about it all. anyway, i had seen many shows at bogarts, but this one was remarkable. standing in line around the block hearing stories. standing 30 feet away from the stage. standing with my brother. you all have heard this before. so, i move on.

this week when we were in new york i stopped in a record shop that i always like to visit while we're there. as i was browsing through the dylan stuff, i discovered the recording from that specific show. i knew this show existed in a collection of four other club shows dylan & the band did that summer, and i had tried several times to get my hands on it, but to no avail. here, in this moment, i had it in my hands - a no-brainer. the sound is super and i'm totally locked in (as i write, i listen).

as i've been listening over the last few days it has brought back some fun memories. it's like i'm back at bogarts. but as i've had it playing, something else has been taking place too. the memory, cemented in my mind, has been pointing me not to bob...but to other things. this period in my life lingers a moment of joy. certainly, if we were to go back and read my journals from this period...there would certainly be frustrations, doubts, and failures along the way...but it was a period of joy nonetheless. sure, as i have been listening, the joy of seeing a remarkable show is not lost on me, but there was something else going on too... who God had begun making me two years prior was something radical that would reshape my perspectives about life, even in a show like this. everything had been altered and i was living in the reality of His reshaping. interestingly enough (and i have many of these), but the dylan show @ bogarts seems to stand as a sort of ebenezer in my life.

so finally, this bring us to lent. by this point, it should be pretty clear where i'm going... the difference between the coffee embittered by the residue, which was my mistake, and the coffee on sunday morning, in the post-descaling days was radical. smooth...fresh...like drinking out of a new coffee pot. it's sort of a ridiculous portriat of what God had done/is doing in me.

sometimes it's easy to forget the things that God has done in us. we can all too easily find ourselves stuck in ways of thinking and living that shatter us as we long to walk with God. we can find ourselves struggling to emerge from the ditches that we've helped dig and trod through (think Jeremiah 2). maybe we've even made mistakes along the way that have dulled the reality of God's work and presence in our lives.

you know, sometimes in the holiness tradition we get in the mindset that the carafe will never experience the stain of sinful residue. and while i am convinced that God's grace does go deeper than the stain can go and He can maintain that life in us, i'm also aware that sometimes we need to be descaled. and one of the graces that God uses to lead us to this place are our ebenezers to remind us of how God has altered our lives in the past...and that He can still do such things in the present.

may this lent be that for us - at time that God's Spirit cements in our minds and hearts the beauty of His work in this world and our lives, and utters, "remember when...?" then, may we allow the Spirit of the living God to usher us out of the ditches into His joy.
-scott|e.

early in the morning...

2009-03-16T07:22:00.004-05:00

bright and early this morning the new dylan album - "together through life" - was confirmed.

you can read the first portion of an interview here.

more & more. you can also check out expectingrain.com if you're interested.

enjoy and wait expectantly,
-scott|e.

prego pics.

2009-03-15T00:00:00.003-05:00

@ eleven weeks:

-scott|e.

:: hijacked ::

2009-03-12T16:31:00.006-05:00

many of you know i was never all that fond of the name "the engebretson post" (for a more detailed account, go here). i've always thought there had to be other options, right!?

seeing that i hijacked this space quite some time ago...i have now done so in an official capacity by changing the name (just the name, not the address). here's the basic thrust. after recognizing basically two themes - the ridiculous and the theological - running through pretty much all the posts i figured why not incorporate such things into the name. it's essentially a cross section of my life. not hannah's life however...but since she stopped blogging about 3 minutes after creating the name (which i miss), i thought it was about time.

nothing has changed...but the name.

-scott|e.

an ALCORN doesn't fall too far from the tree...

2009-03-12T13:09:00.005-05:00

just finished reading the pope's letter dealing with those whom he lifted the excommunication of in january. you can get it here.

here is one who ministers the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and who possesses an unthinkable amount of power and sway, and yet what strikes me is the spirit of his letter.

i'll start with his conclusion, first:
"This is the prayer that rises up instinctively from my heart at the beginning of this Lent, a liturgical season particularly suited to interior purification, one which invites all of us to look with renewed hope to the light which awaits us at Easter."

losing our bearings?:
"...the question still remains: Was this measure needed? Was it really a priority? Aren’t other things perhaps more important?...In our days, when in vast areas of the world the faith is in danger of dying out like a flame which no longer has fuel, the overriding priority is to make God present in this world and to show men and women the way to God. Not just any god, but the God who spoke on Sinai; to that God whose face we recognize in a love which presses “to the end” (cf. Jn 13:1) – in Jesus Christ, crucified and risen. The real problem at this moment of our history is that God is disappearing from the human horizon, and, with the dimming of the light which comes from God, humanity is losing its bearings, with increasingly evident destructive effects."

now, on the for both large and small acts of reconciliation...with all of its difficulties, complexities, and even in its potential for misunderstanding and the harsh critique:
"So if the arduous task of working for faith, hope and love in the world is presently (and, in various ways, always) the Church’s real priority, then part of this is also made up of acts of reconciliation, small and not so small. That the quiet gesture of extending a hand gave rise to a huge uproar, and thus became exactly the opposite of a gesture of reconciliation, is a fact which we must accept. But I ask now: Was it, and is it, truly wrong in this case to meet half-way the brother who “has something against you” (cf. Mt 5:23ff.) and to seek reconciliation? Should not civil society also try to forestall forms of extremism and to incorporate their eventual adherents – to the extent possible – in the great currents shaping social life, and thus avoid their being segregated, with all its consequences? Can it be completely mistaken to work to break down obstinacy and narrowness, and to make space for what is positive and retrievable for the whole?"

may our pursuit for the purifying grace of Christ in these lenten days lead us to the reconciliation offered in the reality of the empty tomb, which also points us toward reconciliation with others...in both large and small matters.

this should get me props from my brother-in-law,
-scott|e.

a longing...

2009-03-11T09:33:00.004-05:00

a passage from jeremiah 31, for me...for us...during lent.

²⁰ “Is not Israel still my son,
my darling child?” says the Lord.
“I often have to punish him,
but I still love him.
That’s why I long for him
and surely will have mercy on him.
²¹ Set up road signs;
put up guideposts.
Mark well the path
by which you came.
Come back again, my virgin Israel;
return to your towns here.
²² How long will you wander,
my wayward daughter?
For the Lord will cause something new to happen—
Israel will embrace her God.”

in the midst of exile...in the midst of punishment...God longs and is at work to bring us back, setting up signs and guideposts along the path that He has tread towards us. may we embrace His pursuit.
-scott|e.

the coming evangelical collaspe

2009-03-10T14:32:00.008-05:00

check out an interesting article. you can read it at several places:

the original here.
the more thorough and origin of source here.
then, check out this article from cnn.com, which notes the data indicating the rise in evangelical Christians over the last 20 years.

i don't bring in the cnn article (link #3) to discount spencer's piece (links #1-2). rather it only makes the point that much more dramatically...in the midst of an evangelical boom, "we Evangelicals have failed to pass on to our young people an orthodox form of faith that can take root and survive the secular onslaught" & "we will find a great inability to pass on to our children a vital evangelical confidence in the Bible and the importance of the faith" (see: #2 & #6 in spencer's article under the heading "why is this going to happen?").

isn't that odd...?

i thank God for churches and pastors who are serious about constructing a Biblical worldview in the souls and minds of their people. i have had the privilege to be around a few such pastors and churches, and my prayer is that we learn from these examples...trusting that the very gates of hell shall not prevail against the Church that Christ Himself established, be it "evangelical" or not. i just want to be apart of the catholic Church, who live in the reality of Christ's victory over death, hell and the grave, who are enlivened by the Holy Spirit, and who desire to please the Father.

sobering, but also challenging...
-scott|e.

minus a lecture, questions, and kangaroos...oh my

2009-03-08T22:45:00.007-05:00

for those wondering about the title, please refer to: "lectures, questions, and chimps...oh my."

now, you've got to check this one out. another sign of our cohesiveness with the animal kingdom...? to be honest, i didn't read this story all that close, but knew when "lunatic ninja" and "shredded underpants" were dropped we had ourselves a winner here.

this time, i have the questions.
have fun.
-scott|e.

:: the greatest church sign ever ::

2009-03-07T19:17:00.003-06:00

i know not why i think this, but this evening i saw the greatest church sign of all creation.

now, normally i lament the day of church signs. when they are informative - like we have such a such a service @ such and such a time - not a problem, but when pastors (or committees?) try to get clever with three rows of plastic lettering, i generally find myself dismayed.

the sign read: "who's your daddy?"

beautiful...
-scott|e.

:: letterman style ::

2009-03-03T15:27:00.014-06:00

well, well...

as you should all be aware by now, hannah is officially prego (i was told i was no longer allowed to say "knocked up"...which totally bums me out). you should also know that in a perfect world all of this would have taken place exactly one month later. if this had happened, i would have constructed a post in this very blogo-forum (not the former illinois governor) on april 1, and nobody would have known what to believe. it would have been great! "poor" timing messed up my little blogger plans...curse the day.

anyway, i thought i would start out the prego blogs with a little humor...

so, in the mode of 'late night with david letterman,' i have constructed (meticulously constructed by trial and error...well, mainly error i guess) a top 10 list.

are you ready for it?

here goes...........(i'm an idiot)

"the top ten things not to say to your pregnant wife"

#10. only five more pregnancies to go!
#9. ahh...honey, you're feeling sick again. glad it's not me!
#8. people asked if you were pregnant when you wore that dress last year too...don't worry about it
#7. you're ruining this for me.
#6. the baby is mine, right?
#5. you know, you've been complaining a lot lately...i'm tired too.
#4. i was hoping i had until the 2nd trimester to experience the whole psychopath phase.
#3. "what? you need what? crackers? okay. can it wait until i finish my game?"
#2. [@ 5 weeks] oh wow honey, i think you're beginning to show!
...and...
#1. "whad-up, chubbs!?"

i know you're waiting with bated breath for me to reveal which of these i have actually blurted out in my inanity. i'll be pleading the fifth on that one. the majority of the above has been merely a concoction of my mind....mental prowess, i tell ya.

...the others, well...i simply chalk up to stupidity. big surprise.

it's been fun watching and talking with hannah during these past many weeks. she is going to be an absolutely outstanding mother...

by the way, due date: oct. 6!
-scott|e.

the strange silence of my private prayers...

2009-02-28T09:20:00.013-06:00

i started reading a new non-school book yesterday. i always like to keep a book or two going to keep me sane throughout the semester. usually it is something that interests me regarding ministry, the church or theology that gives me something fun to think through along with my school work and ministry.

the new book i picked up is entitled the strange silence of the Bible in the Church, by james smart. one of my profs last semester mentioned it; so i picked up a used copy while i was thinking about it figuring i would get to it at some point.

as the title suggests, the author is lamenting the relative absence of Scripture proclaimed and taught in our churches today. right from the outset, in the first chapter, this guy hits on the great divide of what soon-to-be clergy are learning in their seminaries and what the people receive in their pews. he asks, with the "progress" of Biblical scholarship in the 19th & 20th centuries should we not expect more spiritual returns...more life?

[regarding my use of "'progress' of Biblical scholarship" above - particularly progress in quotation marks - let me make one comment. undoubtedly there have been great strides in Biblical scholarship that we can be infinitely thankful for. my use of quotation marks is rooted in the reality that much of this scholarship, however, has caused the very dearth he is referring to...this begins with the clergy and gradually works its way into the churches. again, i've just started the book and i'm sure this former union theological prof. will go in different directions than i might, but it seems, at least at this point, he has identified the dilemma correctly].

he goes on to address topical sermons, messages we hope will make the Bible more relevant to the people, but in reality the Scripture is only used lightly. he makes the claim that by exclusively (exclusively is mine) using such methods we are hindering the path between our lives and the lives of those that are told in the Bible - we've lost continuity to truly believe and affirm that these texts - these experiences - remain our story. it's as though we've given up. here is a quote that got me: "it is only our ineptitude that makes words dull which in their original utterance shook the community that heard them to the depths and endangered the lives of the speakers" (22).

i'm into that.

that was enough to capture my attention, but then he makes his way into my business by discussing the private devotion of God's people. in the span of one paragraph i was stilled, pondering my own inadequacies...

i am well aware that the Bible is a book for the community? it has been proclaimed in house churches, in gatherings of faithful disciples in secret, in sanctuaries, and in various other settings were Christians gather to worship. these texts were meant to be read together...to enliven the community; as smart would say, "the Bible is marching orders for an army, not bedtime reading to help one sleep more soundly." for a Bible to sit on our bookshelves at home is a rather new experience in the history of the church. think about it. i mean, before the printing press (15th century) nobody had a Bible sitting on their coffee table...and yet they knew the Scriptures because they had heard it proclaimed as they gathered.

but do not misunderstand me, i am thankful that we have such access to the Scriptures. in fact, i have had various debates with friends (doug) about this very issue. recognizing the absence of Scripture proclaimed when we gather, my point is that having access to the Bible is all-important (which does not mean we should neglect working to make the Bible a more pronounced part of communal worship settings...but simply is the reality of the situation).

i started thinking about how easy it is for me to pick up my Bible and read it on a daily basis...and yet how infuriatingly hard it is for me to pray. do you have the same experience? back in the day, before people had their own Bibles to read at home, i can only imagine their private devotions were absorbed in the mysteries of prayer, in fasting, and waiting on God to reveal Himself and His mercies "new every morning."

i wonder how much more alive my ministry would be if my prayers weren't so silent...all the while feeling good about life because i have "done" my devotions...?
-scott|e.

they can't teach these things.

2009-02-25T20:36:00.008-06:00

so tonight new dover (our church) gets together with about three other churches for a community ash wednesday service. the service was excellent: a lot of Scripture proclaimed, a solid message, communion, and joined voices. it was such a good service that i'm even already over the fact that we missed 'lost' tonight and will have to wait another day or so.

my parts in the service were easy. read a passage from second corinthians and offer the imposition of ashes with darryl. now, when i say "easy," i am referring to a perfect world situation. so, reading a passage from second corinthians is "easy" as long as my old lisp doesn't rear its ugly head. another example of "easy" might refer to my ability to copy the correct version of the Lord's prayer for sunday morning, for instance.

as i mentioned in my post yesterday, darryl and i had been working on the ashes for tonight's service. we burned the branches into ashes, ground them up a bit and left them to cool as we went to lunch. darryl was going to grind them down a little more and add some oil to moisten them up for tonight. but when we arrived at the church, the pastor already had ashes prepared. no oil. you are supposed to add oil, right?

let's just say, the ol' ashes weren't stickin. so even if you aren't supposed to add oil, i'm thinking that might be the right move... so there i was using some poor old ladies as my trial run of how i was going to go about getting these ashes to stick.

a couple thoughts worked their way through my head at this point. could i figure out a way to inconspicuously spit into the bowl. probably not. my next thought was, how hard could i press without hurting these people? indentions would probably not be good.

the majority of cases worked out just fine, but there were a couple that just were not "easy." it was as though every tenth person got globbed with ashes. this happened either because i got excited every so often and got too much ash on my thumb or there happened to be an ash build up on that thumb that naturally cleared itself. both are probable and reasonable explanations.

now, you must know, it is a high honor for me to serve my wife in various ways through my ministry (as is the case to be served by her through her ministry). i know many of you will not believe me when i tell you this, but it's something i take fairly seriously. but tonight - in an unorthodox ash wednesday manner and contrary to my standard operating procedure - when hannah came to me for her ashes, i blurted out "shnuckumms" (i discovered afterward that this threw her off a little because she is used to me referring to her as hannah beth is such situations).

i obviously threw myself off as well...excited and exuberant as i must have been (on ash wednesday?! i know, i know...but, like i said yesterday, i wasn't ready for this day to come), i manged to uber-glob my bride with ashes. as i made the sign of the cross on her forehead and proclaimed "consider yourself dead to sin and alive in Christ" i began to notice that chunks of ash were falling from her forehead to her nose... simultaneously she was sweetly gazing into my eyes with astonished wonder, investigating if this had been some sort of idiotic joke.
i really didn't mean it to happen that way...i think she may have had an indention in her head too.
they can't teach you these things.
-scott|e.

:: preparing for lent...for the remedy ::

2009-02-25T00:01:00.004-06:00

yesterday, as darryl and i almost managed to burn the church down by making the ashes for tomorrow's service, i got to thinking about preparing for the period of preparation leading up to easter. i feel like i need a pre-lenten season of preparation.

the last many months - although not completely filled with the bad - have been full of stresses, difficulties, discouragements and frustrations. i've felt almost plagued in every conceivable area of my life: spiritual, academic/mental, emotional, physical...and on the list could go. it's been a time of much personal inventory and a lot of questions. questions for God, questions about myself...most of which, unfortunately, have remained strangely unanswered.

so, i've found myself spending a lot of time in the book of lamentations recently. there i've found conviction, challenge, and, yes, mercy that is new...but still finding myself in this waiting stage.

i simply need so much more. as i was trying to keep the fire under control and watched the palm branches burn this morning, the image of someone like job came to mind. it seems this dude was rolling around in ashes at various points in the story. tomorrow i will get a small imposition of ashes placed on my forehead, but as i stared at the flames (a fairly common engebretson pyrotechnic hobby) i felt like i need so much more...like i need to be rolling around in this stuff.

i'm convinced i'm really not ready for lent.

two ideas will be guiding me into the season. the william law quote i posted a couple days ago, which is brutal for me to read through, and one of wesley's sermon's entitled, "the wilderness state." i'm going to be as intentional as i've ever been seeking God's remedy for my life.

He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
-crowder

may this 40-day journey towards the cross, point us to the One who left the tomb vacant, who is our only hope...our remedy.
-scott|e.

this just in: the government ushers in heaven

2009-02-24T21:22:00.011-06:00

as is custom following just about any event that my brother and i were both watching, we get on the phone together. tonight, after the president's speech, i called and asked the customary "what'd you think?"

his answer was something that i wish more people were thinking through... he said, "he's going to create hell by trying to create a heaven."

ahh, yes, universal health care, universal education from birth to college, clean(er) energy, and on it goes. sounds great...and all while "cutting the budget in half." this is super!

there's got to be a catch, right?
oh yea...the government is running it all.

-scott|e.

an interesting quote nobody wants to hear...

2009-02-20T14:49:00.005-06:00

william law's thoughts on why we fall so short of holiness:

"if you will stop here and ask yourselves why you are not as pious as the primitive Christians were, your own heart will tell you that is it neither through ignorance nor inability, but purely because you never thoroughly intended it."

a lot of excuses float around out there for why we aren't holy, or, even more damning, can't be holy (as if Christ's life and work is somehow less than to provide a real remedy to that which plagues us).

but Scripture remains clear that through the work of the Father, through the life, death and resurrection of Christ, and by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit such a reality is available.

so many of us simply do not intend to be so.

...including me.
-scott|e.

lectures, questions, and chimps...oh my.

2009-02-17T00:49:00.011-06:00

after much uproar in the blogosphere about me removing the previously linked video, i have decided to relinked it below (actually it was more like one email, but it was enough to persuade me this is what the people want)...

but still, by linking the "chimp gone crazy" video i in no way intend to make light of the fact that a woman got seriously hurt by this animal. ...but you have to admit, the dude saying he'd rather hang with the chimp than his nephews is quite funny.

this whole ordeal was brought to the fore once again on thursday as i was considering removing the entire post out of respect for the injured parties. this move was reconsidered after sitting in on a lecture yesterday. this week the the warfield lectures were being given at the seminary by university of edinburgh prof. dealing with a theology of providence. today's lecture was entitled, "what did darwin do to providence?"

i must admit, i went in with a rather poor attitude, but intrigued nonetheless. i assumed i had the lecture figured out before i even heard one word..."we can see the providence of God in natural selection...yada...yada...yada." while i was partially correct, i was pleasantly surprised in the way the topic was presented and handled (it was not a superb lecture, but decent and thought provoking).

but what got me was a question from the peanut gallery...i mean, from the scholars who were in attendance. a lady (not sure if she is a prof. or not) wanted to take up the cause of the animal kingdom...speaking of the splendor, cohesiveness and manifold links between humanity and the animal kingdom.

that's when i subtly leaned over to a friend and asked, "dude, how 'bout the chimp?" he quickly picked up on my point...and clarified it even further by whispering "yea, you know what my cat's favorite daily past time is? picking up its poop and carrying it around the apartment." he then transitioned into a barrage of other examples that got me laughing...like, serious chuckling.

at that point (recognizing you had to be there) i started into an unfortunate reality of my life. there i sat, shaking, bouncing and trying with everything that i had in me to harness my growing laughter without becoming a distraction or being rude...all this while simultaneously trying to get my friend not to say another word so that i didn't explode into complete inappropriateness.

i mean seriously...has this woman not seen the news the last few days? ...has she not read the engebretson post!? even if you are passionate about animal rights, now might not be the best time to be bringing up our cohesiveness...

again, let me recap:
- chimp goes bonkers over a new hair style, beats up a friend.
- the aforementioned chimp gets hit with shovel & stabbed.
- the resilient chimp keeps beating on (& eating?) humans.
- the cops get called
- the cops arrive, but retreat in fear
- berserk chimp gets capped.

and for the record, i'll never chose an ape over my nephew (see the post below).
-scott|e.

enough said :: Christmas experiences (part 3 of 5)

2009-02-14T07:33:00.005-06:00

this is enough said:

look at big boy...
i think we also got to see mom, eric and jamy, and kelle and john too...i think.

(by the way...i took every opportunity to tell my five month old nephew about the previous post. apparently, i've been told, this will be the last year i will be allowed to do so)
-scott|e.

the art of evangelism (santa style) :: Christmas experiences (part 2 of 5)

2009-02-14T00:02:00.000-06:00

this is getting absurd. "Christmas experiences" is dragging on like those poor, unfortunate folks who just decide to keep the decorations up until the next year so that they don't have to go through all the work again...

but i'm stubborn and so it continues.

so, as they say in the movie reviews:

[NOTE - The following includes a spoiler. a rather significant spoiler if you are an american who enjoys jolly fat people]

so put the kids to bed before reading any further...

undoubtedly, you have seen the pictures of when my mom came up to visit Hannah and me in december. mom had not been into nyc during Christmas since she was a little girl and was rather nostalgic about the whole thing...which has the makings of a humorous post in and of itself (but, in accordance with exodus 20:12, i'll honor my mom and refrain from the jokes...for the moment).

one of the events that mom had near the top of her 'list of things to do' was to stop by macy's to see santa. yes, you heard me correctly, my mother - lois ann engebretson - wanted to go to macy's, but NOT to shop.

without being deterred too much, i would just like to say, for the record, this is a miracle.

...but on we move.

you need to know santa has an interesting history in my home. my mom is resolute when she explains that she never lied to us. her claim is that she always referred to "the spirit of Christmas" (left uncapitalized to make the point) and something about Christmas living in our hearts. oh, if only i had been as spiritual then as i am now....i would have said in my youthful lispy tongue, "you mean live in our hearthss, like Jesthuth doeth???" apparently, not only did she not lie to us, but she now puts a spiritual spin on it!?

at some point in this annual advent conversation she always, without fail, reminds us of a time when she sat eric and i down on the stairs one Christmas eve, holding back a flood of tears, and asked if we "really wanted to know." recalling this moment still causes deep emotion for my mother...i, on the other hand, can't remember it for the life of me.

so, let me get this straight. mom was in tears that Christmas eve because she was no longer going to perpetuate a lie, but uses this story to defend her unwillingness to lie!? did i miss something?

anyway, since i can't recall this conversation, i am quite certain that if it did happen the deck had been stacked. here's what i mean, no doubt that such a question was asked with such a piercing motherly gaze that eric and i knew - without the words even being uttered - that the moment we said we wanted to "know" our presents would immediately vanish before the morning light. so, no mom we don't want you to tell us the truth...as long as we get our gifts you are free to lie to your children. we just wanted what's coming to us.

in spite of all this, i need to make it clear, i've got nothing against ol' st. nick. in fact, i did rather well by him growing up...so well, that to this very day i have no idea when i "stopped believing" in this giant fat man who shimmied his large rear down our chimney, ate the thoroughly hydrogenated cookies we left for him, determined if each of us were on the good list, and ultimately treated us as though we had been little angels, before working his way back up chimney with that extra clump of fat we most certainly contributed to his physic during his stay. if santa was my way to get what i "deserved"...so be it. so with my own sense of nostalgia, i was alright with our stop at macy's.

here's how the magical moment happened. like cattle we were hustled through the "unwilling to wait" back hallway to catch a glimpse of the bearded wonder through a 3x3 plastic window. fine and good...as hannah said, a little anticlimactic, but we saw him. at this point, my only goal was to get mom out of the largest department store in the world without getting sidetracked by "a good deal."

but just as we were making our way out of the back hallway, one of santa's little helpers was doing her elfin duty by handing out small buttons with a glamor headshot of santa, the unbelievably intriguing imperative "believe," and of course the all-important macy's advertising placement. see it for yourselves:

(the beard was fake...like hannah said anticlimactic)

as i said in an earlier blog in december it is rather easy to get nostalgic during the season of advent. we get caught up in the joy of the season, the cheer, the giving and receiving, and we become thoroughly moved by the genuineness that this season provokes...(i have begun to wonder if this isn't an annual illustration of God's prevenient grace...that we fail to take advantage of).

but as we were handed our buttons upon exiting, i realized i had just been evangelized...for the sake of santa? don't get me wrong...i'm not so obtuse to miss what is happening here. i get it. but shouldn't it be a little odd that the largest department store in the world is encouraging everyone to "believe" in that which really unbelievable? no joke...you can still go to macy's believe campaign's website. if you want a good dose of oddity i would suggest listening to jessica simpson (prior to the weight gain...one too many Christmas peanut butter balls, i guess) encouraging all of us to believe. my favorite, however, was watching good 'ol jolly donald trump declare, "how dreary would be the world if there were no santa claus."

times are strange...

so i took you through all that simply to make one measly ridiculous, but true, statement: i think i was evangelized more for santa during this past advent season than i was for Christ. while most of us are on the embarrassed side of speaking up about the One who really did shimmy His way into this earth through the womb of a virgin girl, the rest of the world is proudly trying to get us to buy into that which is fantastical.

we might need to consider reorienting our priorities a bit.

it's the small things in life that make me happy....

2009-02-07T10:50:00.008-06:00

one of my favorite gifts that hannah and i received for our wedding was a juicer. i use "our" to be maritally correct, but once we got this gift we both knew it was all mine. of course that doesn't mean i don't let the wifey use it, but we know whose it is.

you need not worry, hannah got plenty on the occasion of our marriage that was understood be "ours" but in reality was hers. i mean seriously, you think i'm claiming the table cloth that she just had to have...?

back to the juicer. now, the first thing you need to know is that i'm not juicing every morning. i'm not that dude. but this does not mean that this toy hasn't gotten frequent usage in the engebretson abodes. you also need to know that this is no ordinary juicer. this isn't one of those old-school thingys where you have to cut an orange in half and do the work your self. you simply throw a whole flippin fruit or veggie in and watch the magic happen (the spectacularness of this juicer unfortunately led me to believe in the early days of use that i didn't need to clean the fruits and vegetables either, as though this machine would do the cleaning as well. i later discovered this was not a wise move...but hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and sicker, right?).

this thing is the real deal. we're talking 13,000 rpm real deal. it sounds like a jet engine when you flip the switch. i mean look at the thing:

why i am telling you this. for two reasons:
#1 - i like my juicer.

#2 (by far more important) - one week away from pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training and i have found a new favorite juicer. i mean look him:

this will make for some fun banter with darryl.
-scott|e.

we need to get this thing passed now!

2009-02-05T10:58:00.003-06:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
the world is quickly coming to an end. hurry...

...we need to get this stimulus passed.

we definitely need our money going to these things to get this nation back on track (the full article is here).
bye.

the Gormong/Engebretson ping pong tournament :: Christmas experiences (part 1 of 5)

2009-01-30T08:56:00.023-06:00

while some will undoubtedly take umbrage with the title of this post, let's be honest...since i joined the family and the tournament our name deserves to be in the title.

certainly a pretentious claim, but here are the facts:
the Gormong crew is at such unease with my presence in the tournament they actually scheduled it for a time when Hannah and i could not be there.

now, i'm well aware that the world does not revolve around me. since Hannah and i got married i understand that we will have to miss certain things on both sides.

...BUT...

here's how the event went down this year: the Gormong family gathering was planned for jan. 1, a date that Hannah and i would not be able to make, because we would be in indy with the Engebretson side of the family. aware of this, the Gormongs decided to plan a last minute get together for pizza and hanging out so that Hannah and i would have the chance to see everyone before we left (which i must add was super! it's always great to see everyone)

what i didn't know was if there would be any ping pong action after we had our pizza. this debate was resolved a few hours before we were supposed to get together when an unnamed cousin (a hint: he is on the pastoral staff at faith wesleyan) called the house with a little ping-pong-trash-talking-banter. at that moment, i began to prepare myself...emotionally, physically, and spiritually for what awaited me that night.

interestingly enough, however, when we arrived at Jeff and Beth's any talk of ping pong went mysteriously silent. here i had gotten myself all jacked up at the thought of a little friendly, but fierce ping pong...and nothing. we ate, we laughed, we joked...but ping pong was mysteriously absent from the conversation. huh...go figure?

the next thing i hear about the big ping pong tournament, was when Hannah and i were at a safe distance in indianapolis and the thing was over and done with. ah, yes...let the banter begin again from the unnamed cousin!?

my response to the reemerging banter: "whoever won is like florida getting named [college football] champ, without usc/texas even in the game."

if the tournament was scheduled for the jan. 1 family gathering i fully understand (conspicuous planning i must say...but i understand). the silence of the ping pong ball after pizza however is another story altogether.

i guess we'll have to wait til next year before a true champ is crowned...without an * that is.

a rather interesting Christmas experience that i wanted to share with everyone.

[just so i don't get scorched in the comments too badly...it is true that i have never won the Gormong/Engebretson ping pong tournament. granted. but i just like the fact that i got another opportunity to write "the Gormong/Engebretson ping pong tournament"...ha, there i go again!]

[UPDATE: the first Gormong (Philip) to know of this post said he would not be getting riled up by such things. his unwillingness to challenge all this is yet another example that solidifies the point made above]

enjoy...
-scott|e.

Queen Hannah the Innocent I

2009-01-26T09:34:00.018-06:00

i've heard it mentioned a time or two - by those most dear to my heart - that "i hope your kids grow up to be just like you."

i can never quite figure out if this is intended as an insult, a pseudo-rebuke, the hope of a cosmic order of revenge, or a simple warning with an uncomfortable glee at the thought of my "misfortune." most often such statements come from the wife, my mother, the parental in-laws, siblings (mainly those with genetic connections...but i think it is safe to assume such thoughts swirl in the minds of the in-law siblings as well), and finally, at times, even from good friends.

as an aside, when my siblings say this sort of thing, it generally consists of an insult and includes a more direct family association with one who will remain unnamed. when my mom utters these words, it's most likely a combination of revenge and warning. when the in-laws say it, rather than "uncomfortable glee," the thought simply seems uncomfortable to them. when my friends say it, it consists of a toned-down sort of concern and horror that hannah would get involved with me. when hannah says it...well, actually, i don't really know yet.

and, i'm not saying i don't deserve such comments...i probably do for the most part.

often, i think that just beneath the surface (and sometimes bubbling up) of those who spend time with hannah and me feel rather sorry for her, wondering how such an innocent, sweet and holy person could have had the unfortunate mental lapse to marry a guy like me. every once in awhile i like to rack my brain trying to think the thoughts of others at this point. here are few of my favorites that i imagine from time to time (with the imagined retorts in yellow below):

1. i thought hannah was wesleyan and didn't drink. he must have got her rather inebriated to actually say "yes"
no, that's ridiculous...she's too holy... but i wouldn't put it passed him
2. deception? he lied to her.
did scott really promise her he'd become wesleyan? i heard he told her that he was into the gaithers too...
3. mind-altering drugs?
couldn't be...could it?
4. scott's charm and handsomeness
that's one is a bit of a stretch, but i was feeling sorry for myself thinking of what must be going through your minds.
5. wesley biblical must not have had much in the way of guys to select from...
but as most of you know so well, hannah had plenty of boys to choose from

and, again, i'm not saying i don't deserve such ruminations...

but that's enough about me, let's move the direction of this conversation to hannah. as most of you know, my wife is exceedingly sweet and holy. but innocent? well, you'll have to read on and decide for your self.

i must admit, trying to expose the false notion of hannah's innocence will take some time. i'm also aware that most of you reading this will probably assume i am spreading untruthful propaganda and trying to rage against the "i hope your kids grow up to be just like you" crowd. but, nevertheless, i go forward trying to destroy any false conception of hannah's innocence. four examples should be sufficient:

#1 - an initial piece of the puzzle takes shape in the bathroom. i don't know when it started but for years i have ended my showers wringing out my wash cloths (i mean serious wringing). it's uncomfortably disgusting to me to wake up in the morning and use a cold, wet face cloth...it just feels so...i don't know...cold and wet (how's that for profound?). by wringing the thing out at the end of every shower, it is sure to be thoroughly dry by morning.

a few weeks ago, i began to notice that this was no longer the case. my face cloth was always in a different spot then where i had put it the morning before and even more dramatic, it was soaking wet. the mystery was solved one evening when i walked into the bathroom after hannah had taken a bath after work. it seems she thought my face cloth was a useful tool to stop the water from running over the side of the tub.

no wonder i had felt like mildew for a couple weeks. not a big deal though... but after thinking it through, an alarming pattern had been forming.

#2 - let me elaborate. not too long before that incident, hannah decided we needed to flip the ol' mattress. now, you need to know, before marrying hannah i had no idea that a person was supposed to rotate a mattress like we rotate our tires. probably because i slept on a couch for 5 years during college, i don't really notice when a mattress is in need of flipping...so i count on my wife to inform me when and how it should be done.

so, when hannah called me into the bedroom to flip the bed, it didn't seem out of the ordinary. however, this time was different...her directions were subtly precise. "flip it this way, then we'll turn it this way." when we had finished flipping it, we both laid down to check it out. there was a distinct satisfaction on her face. "much better" she exclaimed. ...for her. for me if felt like i was laying on the back of a camel. after mentally reconstructing the various flips and turns in my mind, i realized that i was laying on the half of the bed where our upper bodies had been for the last many months, while she was laying where our legs had been.

a coincidence...? i think not.

i looked over at her and ask, "were you aware of this small detail?" "well...no...ummm" her jumbled words silenced as she began to grin and laugh like i had just caught her hand in a cookie jar.

a pattern was developing?

#3 - the next occurrence that i recall happened one day while i was at work (yes, i do work...every so often). on her day off she had taken it upon herself to "selflessly" rearrange my drawers. over the phone she said that this would give me "better access and more space" for my clothes, undies, and socks. sounded good. she's rather thoughtful like that.

but when i got home, i discovered i didn't really have more room. things where just jammed into smaller spaces, closer to my side of the bed.

the key that unlocked her real motivations involved my plastic sock drawer. here's the scenario: hannah has been using a plastic, bought-for-a-seminary-dorm, piece of bachelor furniture as her end table in the apartment. it's one of those things that you can pick up at target for a few bucks. a few years back, i bought it to organize my socks, and up until she "selflessly" rearranged things, that had been it's continuing function. i figured it would get tossed soon after marriage, but somehow it has survived to this point.

this little piece of plastic organization sits about 6 inches from hannah's head when she is laying in bed.

i think the picture is becoming more clear now...

#4 - but, if there is any dispute lingering in your minds, this next one should convince you. a couple months ago, exhausted from a rough semester and from a youth group meeting, i came home to enjoy the rest of what was left of my sabbath. most of the time this is an opportunity for both hannah and me to come home, relax and watch a movie together. but that evening i must have been rather exhausted and fell asleep with my feet propped up on hannah's lap. the last thing i remember was the scent of her nail polish wafting me to sleep as she painted her nails.

at some point, she gently woke me up so that i could move to the bedroom. i, of course, was out of sorts and grunted my way to the bed.

i had a great nights rest. as most experience, when i awoke from my extended sleep i was thoroughly confused...disoriented...and not quite all-together. i got up, headed to the bathroom, and looked down only to discover that my big toe was "gushing" with blood. something was not right as i stared - with blurry eyes - at the "flow" of blood emerging from my toe. what was really disconcerting to me in that brief moment was that i felt no pain. no pain, but blood normally don't go together. kind of freaked me out a little...thought i had already started going into shock.

as panic set in and my eyes began to focus, i realized that i was right. blood and pain do go together. it turned out the reason why i was not feeling pain was that my precious, innocent wife decided to paint my big toe with blood red nail polish as a little joke on her slumbering husband. still today - a couple months later - i have an ever-decreasing speck of nail polish that i have rebelled against using nail polish remover on...once this evidence is gone, hannah's "innocence" will only be all the more entrenched.

i end with this. the queen of my home is incredibly sweet and holy...but maybe not as innocent as you thought prior to reading this little exposé.

but let's be honest, even her unveiled innocence is more than i could ever hope to muster...and as so many of you are probably thinking right about now, i do indeed deserve all of the above. how right you are.

however, one thing i do not deserve...is her.

glad to be back wasting your time,
-scott|e.

quick update...

2009-01-22T07:52:00.004-06:00

the never ending semester ends tomorrow. i submit my final paper...then leave immediately for a fun-filled weekend retreat with the youth group. as i told someone the other day, while school hasn't been terribly pressing during the last month, i - without necessarily intending to - have taken a break from pretty much everything.

anyway, the engebretson post is not inching towards its demise (even though i just went through a semester that inched me towards mine). i've had several different thoughts occur during the last few weeks, but it was time sensitive material...and i missed the deadline! we'll be back up and running next week - PROMISE.

here is a preview of some of the forthcoming material:
Queen Hannah - the Innocent I

Christmas expeiences...(in 5 parts)

i hate starbucks too (a satirical piece)

why holiness people need this on our bookshelves

i'll also be including several other misc. things as well. i have been teaching a Bible study at the church on Romans. been rich and challenging for me personally... i'm sure that will make it at some point.

and, of course, it will encompass all of the stupidity you would expect from me.

by the way, it's probably a good thing that i wasn't posting as of tuesday. as the day wore on, my bi-partisan feel good moment at seeing history made quickly devolved into realizing the reality of who we voted for in this country. let's just say, i was unpleasantly caustic - and probably wouldn't have made for good holiness writing...in fact, probably shouldn't have sent a few of those emails. but alas...

thanks for the calls, questions and notes inquiring about what's up...all three of you have been an encouragement. and if you think that was a joke, i'll name them: melendia, tom and eric. yep...that does it!

(here's a pic from Christmas that doesn't show how fat i'm getting)

until then...
-scott|e.

It's Christmas Time in the City!

2008-12-14T17:22:00.012-06:00

There is something exciting about going into New York City during Christmas! I don't know if its the winter air, the jostling crowds, the department store windows or all the shopping - but the feeling of being in the city during this time of year is distinctly different.

Scott's mom is in town for the weekend and yesterday we all took the train into Penn Station. We had a great time, even though about a million other people had the same idea we did! It was so busy! We walked all over Manhattan, did some shopping, saw Rockefeller at night, went to see the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular, and ate at the Trattoria Dell'Arte for dinner.

Santa anyone?

Macy's Window... They were beautiful, as always!

Getting a "peak" at Santa while we were at Macy's. For anyone who has seen "Miracle on 34th Street" this tiny glass window is rather anticlimactic. We walked through twice just to feel as if it was time well spent :-)

Decorations at Saks 5th Ave.

Outside the NYC Library

The tree at Rockefeller Center - it looked great this year!

Before going in for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular! They ended the show with a Live Nativity where they told the story of Jesus straight from Scripture. It was wonderful!

Scott and Mom E outside Saks!

All tuckered out. It was a great day :-)

losing it: and all this time we thought it was "them" who were crazy

2008-12-06T09:50:00.004-06:00

this link should be required reading for all the visitors to this blog.

[of course, that's probably just my underlying finals-week-frustration, subconsciously wanting to force others to read something...anything...so that you too can feel my pain, but seriously, it's not a long article...]

the article is a rather feisty piece (and rightly so) about the scene, aftermath, and reporting of the events out mumbai last week.

a few notables get a mention:
1. everybody's favorite - deepak chopra (whose name i was just introduced to by a few members at the church who swear by him. apparently i've been hiding under a rock for having not heard of this dude. but, if this is what he's offering, i'd rather stop my procrastination-by-blogging and return to the mindnumbing study of the historical development of the hebrew language)
2. "respected" jounrnalists near and far.
3. those "practitioners" of terrorism...oh wait, can't say that...those "practitioners" of death, who happen to be of the terrorist persausion...(there i go again).

have we entered into a constant, unceasing spiral of losing our minds?
-scott|e.

tis' the season to be jolly...

2008-11-28T15:10:00.005-06:00

one of my favorite things about the Christmas season will be the ambiguously general statements that basically reiterate the line from the song, "it's the most wonderful time of the year..." we'll hear it dropped on various tv shows, by news anchors and in the midst of all sorts of other holiday fun. for example, as i watched the macy's day parade yesterday morning, whatever-her-name-is got chocked up as santa claus came sledding down broadway. "this is what it's all about. look at the faces on those kids" she said. then my boy matt offered up, "especially in a year like this one, we need this season."

ah, yes. yes we do.

the most wonderful time of the year. the one time each year where people are kinder. more giving. more loving...and, of course, everybody's favorite...more brutal and selfish. wait a minute, what da?

yes, tis the season in which wal-mart workers get trampled to death. and in apparently unrelated - but no less ironic - Christmas shopping news, two people got shot in a toys r us today. fun for the whole family... this is exactly what we need.

forgive me for the cliche minister post here, but over the last month i've been working my way through tom torrance's the mediation of Christ again and it just struck me how heavy Christ's incarnation truly is.

"in becoming incarnate he not only took what is ours to make it his, but thereby really took upon himself our sin and guilt, our violence and wickedness, so that through his own atoning self-sacrifice and self-consecration he might do away with our evil and heal and sanctify our human nature from within and thus present us to the Father as those who are redeemed and consecrated in and through himself" (63)

it's rather easy to declare how so many miss Christ in these days. it's easy to point out ways that people are caught up in the nostalgia and commercialism that has been joined to this time of year. but sometimes i wonder if it's not more difficult to recognize the places where we in the church fail at this very point.

it's really easy to conjure up all sorts of nostalgia for the season, whether a person is in the church or not. but if we miss the reality of His coming - whether blatantly or subtlety - we'll be stuck in our sinful, violent, and wicked ways and miss out on the healing and sanctifying work of God in and for our lives, through the ministry of Christ.

may the celebration of Christ's coming delve that much deeper into our hearts this advent.
-scott|e.

:: please pray ::

2008-11-19T19:45:00.004-06:00

yesterday i received a text message from jim harriman letting me know that he and pam were back in chicago for the final phase of the treatment that pam has been receiving from doctors there. she has moved into an extremely important stage of the procedure and this next week will be critical.

...please remember pam and the rest of the harriman family in your prayers...

if you're interested in more info, specific ways that you can pray, or how to support the family you can check out their site here.

-scott|e.

more political thoughts...after the fact

2008-11-06T08:48:00.025-06:00

:: on christians ::

far too many of us live in a small, small world after all.

as you well know, i think obama's views on abortion are absolutely tragic, but that's only one aspect (an important one) of what i find to be his wider ideological tragedy.

it's amazing to me that long before i was a christian i was ingrained and raised upon politically conservative ideals. it's kind of embedded in my familial dna. but in the church, it seems there's a growing number of people that don't get this sort thing as a real, viable option.

this is the small world to which i refer: just because a christian regards him or herself as a conservative does not necessarily imply we are one issue voters. as surprising as it must be for former one issue voters, who so casually move their support based on form rather than substance, we may have other perspectives - principled ones - which we feel are at stake in our voting.

i find it sad that from much of what i've read and heard from christians in the last couple months you'd think such a thing weren't possible.

:: on that "one" issue ::

just over two months ago, hannah and i had the privilege to fly out to indianapolis to see our new nephew for the first time. a great reason for a trip to the midwest...

but we were also able to coordinate our time in indiana with another event that was happening for a friend of the family's. one of my dad's closest college buddies was being sworn in as a federal judge in the state of indiana. it was a great honor for him (and for us to be invited). it was a big deal. the appointment to the bench came from george w.

have i mentioned that i think christians can be a rather myopic bunch?

i heard an argument at various times in the days leading up to the election, which basically went like this: 20 of the last 28 years republicans have occupied the white house, have had several opportunities to appoint a number of supreme court justices to the bench, but roe v. wade has yet to be overturned. thus, the rationale would suggest that weighting one's vote on this issue of abortion alone has not and may not produce its desired results. they say all this, of course, while admitting that we have certainly gained ground on the abortion issue in this country...but it seems they just can't connect the dots on those gains.

so, now president obama will be appointing those judges - with similar ideologies to his own - to these positions throughout our states.

:: on obama being black ::

a few thoughts have come to mind over the last few days... by way of introduction, let me make a couple statements. first, i'm not a minority. second, i'm well aware of the fact that our society is not immune to issues of race in the 21st century. i observed such issues during my childhood in indiana. i lived in cincinnati when the riots started in 2001. in mississippi i experienced lingering views on race that are just plain sad. and now, i've lived in new jersey long enough to recognize prejudice in various forms here too. we're not immune...and God forgive for and cleanse us from those places.

BUT...in saying all that, i want to make clear that obama's election to the presidency of the united states of america - as a black person - was not shocking to me. i guess what i'm trying to to say is that in the midst of this imperfect society i had the opportunity to grow up in a time and context (although by no means perfectly diverse) where i recognized racism for what it surely is - ridiculousness, merged with ignorance.

i never grew up thinking the thought that a black person would not be the president of the united states of america in my lifetime.

i can't pretend to understand the fullness of the joy that so many felt following tuesday's election. and i would never want to limit that. this country has done an outstanding thing by electing a black person into the white house. i have some sense of joy about it myself...this country is incredible... (as a side note, however, i simply wish it were a black person of another political ideology. but that's another post, isn't it?).

i'm simply saying that i'm thirty years old, i've seen both the good and bad of race relations in this country, but in the end, what took place last tuesday did not surprise me.

this country has far to go, but has come so far...

::on mccain and concession speeches ::

i guess it had been too long since we had heard a gracious concession speech from a losing presidential candidate, but what mccain said in his concession speech need not surprise us either.

certainly it was gracious. certainly it was well constructed. but have you heard the things that i've heard? i walked into a class on wednesday morning...a class that has literally been mocking mccain/palin for the last two months...and the tune totally changed based on this concession speech.

here's a dude that suffered for america at great cost in his military service and a guy who has admirably served this country in the political arena for years. but it was his concession speech that gets him props...this stops the mocking?

here are some of the descriptions i heard: "outstanding," "if he had of spoken like that throughout, he would have won," "that's the old mccain i know," "brilliant," blah blah blah....

the salve of a conscious knows no bounds...i guess

:: on theology ::

finally, we come to a topic that i have some passion about and a great deal of investment in.

since last tuesday i've received a barrage of emails, received various comments on my facebook page, and been in the middle of many conversations trying to persuade me that God is still on the throne. i get it...okay.

but, i'm now compelled to offer some clarifying comments about things i said prior to and since tuesday's election results - particularly regarding my theology.

there is no doubt that God is still on His throne. no democratic election will change my perspective - which is rooted in Scripture - that God still reigns. from my vantage point, however, there is one thing that has changed and it's not just obama. as an ideological conservative, the change i sense is that God is now reigning over a country whose citizens have inserted their heads....ah, never mind.

...i think you get the point. i hope this clarifies both my political and theological positions.

bye.
-scott|e.

now we'll see.

2008-11-04T20:20:00.004-06:00

earlier this afternoon i was reading an article on national review online entitled, "predicting tonight." john pitney linked an absolutely hilarious youtube video that he felt would be a pretty good cinematic representation if what has happened did happen.

i encourage you to go check it out here. it's worth the whole 1:24 minutes just to get the effect.

in my unease of the results thus far, i still manage to laugh each time i watch it.

good night.
-scott|e.

"it is a sin not to vote"

2008-11-04T06:36:00.008-06:00

the other day i heard somebody say "it is a sin not to vote..." wondering if such a statement is true, and seeing that i'm a good wesleyan, i arose at 5:50 am this morning to be one of the first voters in line at our neighborhood polling place. so when i woke up the second time at 6:21am i knew i was on the brink of a long, gradual slide into rebellion. so, up i went...with the bride (the one who kept waking me up)...to vote. [i actually read "it is a sin not to vote" in a facebook response. but i thought if i told you that from the get go that you would totally disregard the entire post].

voting in a democratic society is a tremendous thing. it really is...and yet something i take for granted each year, that is until i make the walk up to register my vote. as hannah i parked about a block or so from the firehouse, i began noticing people's face as we headed for the line...each person emerging from the inside, had a similar countenance. there's something emboldening about it all. the sense of accomplishment, that feeling that we are part of something significant, heads raised with pride......

it's amazing to me. it really is.

so there we were in line...waiting to select our candidates and feel like we were part of this something.

do you remember my "living in a political world" post? there, i discussed the ails of my and hannah's health care situation a year ago...we didn't have any good options. we were going to be stuck paying a lot of money no matter what we decided to do. you would think that little experience would convince me that a government provided health was a good idea...thus, a vote for obama. but then, i transitioned into a quote from drew carry and followed it with a brief anecdote. here it is:

“'Personally, I can’t wait for universal health care.' Then, in a mocking voice: 'From the folks that brought you FEMA, the TSA, the DMV, the IRS, comes universal health care! It’s going to be fantastic, to have the government in charge of our health!' that's funny. because not too long ago i wound up going to the new jersey DMV four separate times to get a couple licenses and plates... standard stuff. yea, that wasn't a disaster at all."

back to the firehouse. after waiting in line and being bounced between a couple districts, hannah and i discovered we were not in the voting books. a rather sick feeling. i know we registered at the DMV. and if it were just me saying that, there would be a 50/50 chance of it being true, but HANNAH affirmed the fact that we indeed did. that makes it about 99/1 chance.

but apparently not. at least that's what we were told. there we stood...i'll presume i need not describe my countenance to you.

thankfully we had a very kind gal helping us and we were able to cast a provisional ballot. we'll find out if our vote counted sometime after november 18. for those counting...that's two weeks after we'll find out that obama will be our next president.

so, basically this little experienced only added to the fodder for who i voted for...that is on a provisional basis. so my appreciation goes out to our local DMV, that flawless governmental agency that just can't seem to get it right.

anyway, the last thing i want to do is walk into a hospital one day, desperately needing something from this new and improved governmental agency...only to realize sometime later they gave me the wrong appendage...

so i conclude with the words that a friend i worked with at a governmental agency used to say, "good enough for government work."

...until i need a license.

...until i need to vote.

...or until i need a heart transplant and they give me a liver instead.

so, i guess i need to go ask for forgiveness? provisional forgiveness...maybe? i mean, can the 40,000,000-strong facebook community be wrong? i'll let you decide...it is election day!!! for everybody else that is...

the next presidentS of the united states of america

2008-10-23T09:10:00.006-05:00

one of the reasons that keep coming up for why we should not vote for the mccain/palin ticket is the lack of experience of sarah palin...and that - if it where ever to happen - she would not be able to fill-in as president.

but isn't the whole "could sarah palin be president" question is a misnomer? an attempt to push the focus away from the fact that she has been selected to be the vice president, not president. yes, i know that if anything happened to mccain, she would be the acting president. but that doesn't change the fact that she has been selected as the next VP. i wouldn't vote for her to be president at this point in time (now, how she does as VP would help me make such a decision somewhere down the road, but i wouldn't be voting for her as president in 2008).

to be fair and to turn the argument around would be just as ridiculous.

in the primaries, the democrats already voted that Biden SHOULD NOT be the next president (was it inexperience, out of dated-ness, dislike...?). whatever the reasons were, should he be disqualified from being VP because he was already voted against for the presidency in the primaries? i mean, he could become the president one day.

again, it just doesn't make sense to use this line of reasoning...and i think such an argument fares far worse for a person who has already been voted AGAINST by his party for the position that he might one day inherit.

we're voting for the next president of the united states of america (notice the singular). and while it is absolutely legitimate to factor in running mates, i don't think it is legitimate to try and force a VP into the role the president (as so many are apt to do when they want to push the inexperience of a certain VP).

this whole argument is diverting the focus...

i should write for 'the week'
-scott|e.

:: reading past the quotation marks ::

2008-10-17T15:12:00.032-05:00

not too long ago i was on the phone with dr. oswalt, and i caught him in the middle of preparing a new wednesday night Bible study series to share at wesley chapel (the church several from the seminary community have planted in jackson, ms) on 1 corinthians. as the summer came to a close and i had finished reading through a number of the prophets, i was looking for a new place to situate myself devotionally. so, still reeling from my summer experience and realizing i need some continued stirring in my life, i thought 1 corinthians might be a good place for me to setup camp for a few weeks. get a good dose of new testament rebuke in my life.

as a side note - i haven't heard any of dr. oswalt's wednesday night teachings yet, but if you're interested i think you can check them out them out here (that's also my way of saying i haven't lifted his stuff in what follows...it's on me, for better or worse).

that's all background...

as i've been reading through 1 corinthians a couple verses have leaped out at me during each reading. i'm beginning to see them from a different perspective (which might just give you some indication of my previous lack in this area). it's those well-known passages where paul says "you say, 'i'm allowed to do anything' - but..." i've always read these verses to mean, essentially, i'm allowed to do anything, but of course there are parameters. and maybe i'm just hanging around with the wrong crowd, but i find this to be a fairly common understanding of these verses - that they present some sort of holy, Biblical paradox that we are supposed to somehow decipher... the supposed paradox: unfettered freedom in Christ, within sensible parameters.

but is this supposed paradox what the Holy Spirit, through paul, is really getting at here?

let's get into it. as far as i can tell, this phrase is repeated four times throughout the book, in two different sections - twice in chapter six and twice in chapter ten.

the response to each "you say" is:
1. "but not everything is good for you" (6:12a)
2. "i must not become a slave to anything" (6:13b)
3. "but not everything is good for you" (10:23a)
4. "but not everything is beneficial" (10:23b)

while 1 corinthians is definitely written to "God's church in Corinth" (1:2), i certainly wouldn't think this letter is addressed to the model church. so much of paul's message to the corinthians (and to us, mind you) stands as a rebuke and an appeal to live right.

as i've read these verses the past few weeks, i started thinking about conversations i've had with different people in the church along the way. sometimes - even within the church - we can get some funny thoughts circulating in our heads (please notice the "we" - none of us are immune). hannah and i have laughed numerous times at the freedom parishioners feel to share their opinions on all sorts of issues, whether those opinions are rooted in Scripture or not. most of the time i have no clue whether they are awkwardly asking for our thoughts, because we are in ministry and have been through seminary, or whether they are simply marking their territory. regardless, i can't tell you how many times i've been in conversations with other Christians and found myself saying something to the effect of "you're saying what...?" which is always a sign that further discussion will follow.

i wonder if that's not what paul is doing here.

yet, all this time i think i've been reading past the quotation marks, as if both exchanges in 1 cor. 6 & 10 - the slippery paradox of unfettered freedom within sensible parameters - were the Biblical ideal. as though Scripture is suggesting that everything is free game, but not necessarily beneficial...everything might be free game, just don't become a slave to it in the process.

but i'm beginning to wonder if i've been reading it wrong?

might paul really be saying, "what you people are saying and thinking is nuts, and it just doesn't make sense. you can't join yourself to a prostitute and think nothing is amiss." or something to this effect, "you can say and think what you will, but i'm telling you that people who walk after Jesus, just don't think of themselves before others." have we given enough notice to the quotation marks?

now, admittedly the supposed paradox that i have previously been trying to decipher for my own life and for those i minister to, never would allow me get to a place where i thought joining myself to a prostitute might be in the zone of "free game." such "obvious" issues never really give us much trouble. but when we get to a discussion about putting other people before ourselves...abstaining from certain things for the sake of others (maybe even for the soul of others), things all of a sudden become not so cut and dry. it usually comes down to who can make the best case (read: excuse...maybe?) for why they've chosen to do a certain thing.

my general point in all of this has to do with how we interpret and articulate God's instructions for us. reading with the quotation marks, rather then past them, has caused me to stop and consider once again our freedom in Christ. is everything truly free game...? the contexts of 1 cor. 6 & 10 suggest this is definitely not the case... ideas have consequences, and how we establish our ideas - particularly about one's freedom in Christ - matter.

have we been abusing the notion of freedom in Christ for a supposed paradox, and one that only ever existed in our minds, but that really needs correction? it is easy to do such things, especially when we get to the place where we begin to realize that Christ's freedom - in certain instances - is utterly restrictive.

now, of course, this doesn't make anything any easier to decipher. there are still tensions that we must think through...and no list of dos and don'ts will fully get to the heart of the issues that i sense the Spirit is communicating to the Church. but is does free me up to begin thinking about the various ways Christ is calling me to restrict myself for the sake of the gospel...which is not something i think enough about.

any thoughts?
-scott|e.

why i should run for president...

2008-10-15T21:16:00.017-05:00

just finished listening to obama declare that "no one is pro-abortion" and that every abortion is a "tragedy."

...really?

if i'm sitting across the table, i'm asking a simple question. "why, exactly, would you say that abortion is a tragedy?" i think that's a valid and important question that might get us somewhere. how he might respond intrigues me...

of course, i too would affirm the tragic nature of abortion. but even going beyond this instance of agreement between myself and obama, i would also affirm - again with obama - the tragedy of the social, financial, emotional and cultural issues within this country that lead to such tragic decisions. so, up to this point we're all in agreement that both abortion and the issues that seem mostly likely to lead to such acts are both tragedies.

apparently, the only place we would differ, then, is the way in which we would address the fullness of tragedy in this instance. obama (and those of like mindset) apparently thinks that it is legitimate to address one tragedy by allowing another "tragedy" to be the answer for the initial tragedy.

however, if we truly believe both situations are tragic, might there be another way to better deal with both? obama's notions are at best misguided...at worst...well, just the way they sound - tragic.

bye.
-scott|e.

in a fight...

2008-10-15T13:56:00.004-05:00

i know...so much to catch you up on. things have been overwhelmingly busy. but the time is soon coming when i will jump back on the old blog and catch this thing up.

until then, there is something i would like to put in front of you for the next few days/weeks.

i've mentioned jim harriman on this blog a number of times. he is a great friend and has blessed my life in so many ways over the years. i've also mentioned his family situation a number of times. pam harriman, jim's wife, has begun experimental treatments in the hopes to turn the tide of the brutal disease, which has racked her body for over four years.

:: please keep her and the family in your prayers in the coming days ::

her insurance company denied her coverage for this treatment because is was experimental. the procedure cost just about $100,000. the last time i checked the website (link below) people from all around the globe (and that's not an overstatement...jim's brother is the president of WGM) have given $97,800 towards their medical bills. the fees will go well beyond the $100,000 figure, so more needs to come in...but what an incredible outpouring. it blows me away the resources that God has... it's an incredible testimony. as much as i've personally experienced and seen of God's reservoir in my life...$100,000 seemed like such a steep mountain to climb. as i've continued to watch the tally climb via their website, i've been amazed by God's goodness.

below, i have copied some info from the website that was setup for her (you can get it here).

Pam has an auto-immune disorder called Dermatomyositis. It is a cousin to Lupus and Scleroderma. She needs an autologous stem-cell transplant (cells from her own body) that will cost $100,000. Every day she does not receive treatment is another day the disease is able to do more damage to her body. She is almost completely paralyzed. She cannot turn over in bed, feed herself, much less walk. The disease is a skin-muscle disease that causes a hardening and calcification throughout her body and causes paralysis.

The doctors cannot guarantee that she will ever be able to walk again, but this procedure can arrest the disease and start decalcifying her arms, legs and the rest of her body. Pam would be grateful to once again feed herself, brush her own teeth and hair, or even be able to wheel up to the sink and get a glass of water.

...be in prayer...

i'll leave it at this...

2008-10-09T18:16:00.003-05:00

for those of you that did, thanks for the prayers...
for those that didn't, my sarcastic thanks...

i'll leave it at this...

or...(take your pick)

-scott|e.

the day is coming...

2008-09-25T08:15:00.006-05:00

as of this morning, i am scheduled to take the ridiculous GRE on october 9th - two weeks from this very day.

for the last couple months i have been engrossed in middle school math, analogies and vocab cards (of the english sort). the last few weeks have been encouraging. my scores have gradually been improving as i make my way through the practice exams and other tools available to do well on this thing. and, of course, because my scores have been improving that must mean that i'm getting all the more brilliant...because everybody knows if you do well on standardized tests, you are really, really...i mean really...smart (i'll comment on the ridiculousness of standardized tests once i do well on the exam, so that any ranting doesn't sound like a kid who is really bitter about low scores. (humorously, i just edited the original post because i noticed i had misspelled "brilliant" with "brillant" and "standardized" with "standarized" - twice!...both of which were not intentional. brilliant i tell you).

but anyway...saying all that, i could use some prayer during the next two weeks. there's a lot going on and i need some discipline.
-scott|e.

so long...

2008-09-24T06:13:00.010-05:00

at approximately 10:30am this morning, the dome will be deflated...

there have been some great memories in that place. by now, if you've read this blog at all, you should know about the afc championship game....but what about hanley's put back, the brilliant timeout that allowed for the hysteria of the moment, and the eventual state championship? and how about me busting out "hanley" like it's a household name? ...or for that matter, suggesting a brilliant coaching move?

these are but two of the many experiences i'll never forget from the place.

although the dome certainly doesn't have the history of a yankee stadium, it has been (and soon will be "was") the place of much joy. i think for the first time in my life i'm a bit saddened about such things.

i recognize that i'm not in indy all that much, nor for that long when i am there. but whatever goes up in its place may indeed get the 'pep boys treatment.'

update (12:15pm):

they say it happened softly...
-scott|e.

big paPI...

2008-09-10T08:52:00.004-05:00

like i have nothing better to do...

this morning i caught a new commercial from new era caps. now, this may not be all that new, it could be i just haven't been able to understand it in espanol and paid no attention. if you haven't seen the commercial, it's worth checking out. made me laugh.

here's your chance to waste one minute of your day...

if you have trouble with that, click here.

-scott.

:: a rare occurrence ::

2008-09-06T20:06:00.003-05:00

seldom do i get serious in this place. but i have a friend in need.

jim harriman has been and continues to be an incredible friend and mentor in my life. he has been a means of grace to me in ways that i probably haven't yet to reach the bottom of. for the last four years his wife, pam (as well as the whole family), has been struggling through, fighting against and dealing with a rare disease called dermatomyositis.

in the recent weeks, they were finally (they have no more appeals) denied treatment by their health insurance for an experimental procedure that may indeed be the only thing can save her life. so now they need help. they need cash.

the cost of the procedure is $100,000, and there will certainly be additional costs post-surgery.

here is a link to an article explaining in more detail her condition and their situation. below, is a segment that a louisville news station did about the harriman family.

if you can help, a fund has been setup to offset and cover the medical expenses.

River Foundation
Box 328
Stanford, KY 40484
Memo: Pam Harriman Fund

this is a rare occurrence for people to gather around this Godly family - whether you know them or not - to open yourself to the possibility and opportunity to help. the harriman family needs an outpouring of God's love in their lives...

just pray about it... anything you or your church might be able to send i know would be appreciated.
-scott.

"ocho ocho" just doesn't have the same ring...

2008-08-30T11:11:00.009-05:00

please don't get me wrong. i absolutely love marvin and reggie, and i'm even learning to love the former osu grad, anthony gonzalez...

BUT there's something downright intriguing about wide-receivers like chad johnson...i mean, this dude legally changed his name to ocho cinco this past week. that gets a significant chuckle from me. his coach hates it...and his rationale goes something like this, "have i ever had a reason for why i do what i do? i'm having fun."

that's creative.

all that to say - :: THE NFL SEASON STARTS THIS WEEK ::

peyton is back...marvin is back...freeny is back... oh what joy fills my soul.

(hannah loves this time of year)

:: the engebretson ridiculo/theolo-post ::

"a softer way" to say things

white out on black out day.

advent >> hope and chocolate

advent >> the infancy we adore.

advent >> the resiliency of getting from here to there

liturgy gets a bad rap.

quite sad, you see.

spiriutal pieces: goodbyes and another advent of something new.

the subtlety of senior-itis

i certainly don't want to make light of things...

the general slide toward "then"

imagine no liberals...

LUKE-ACTS #1: an anthology of repentance (turning toward & within the house)

so i shaved the beard.

it's coming...

all you need to know about my philosophy of youth ministry

this should buy me all the time i need.

who is he to tell anybody...?!

suppositories, volcanic eruptions, and memories of ma.

bloggers block

wondering...??

either grow or die

mysterious mathematical riddles...and you don't even need a ph.d.

:: reasonable charisma :: part 2 - reverse the curse & healing

"plugged in" to the principles: two articles on health care

:: reasonable charisma :: part 1 - better to speak five words

and "friends" are "friends" forever...

the belly grows.

dropped calls.

it's that time again...

:: step up, step up, step up and let your voice be heard ::

what if?

the pieces of the puzzle.

justice & empathy...with impartiality?

ANNOUNCING: another move forward...

holy moley: i've been violated.

a 'so long,' to two who will be missed...

the return...

late night, coffee shop musings.

things left to do in april...

i vote (while i still can) for being a citizenry

:: our response ::

feel a change comin' on

a brief lesson in politics...from michael moore.

blogging etiquette and motherly advice

this is how _____ _____ start...

the coffee pot, dylan @ bogarts, and lent.

early in the morning...

prego pics.

:: hijacked ::

an ALCORN doesn't fall too far from the tree...

a longing...

the coming evangelical collaspe

minus a lecture, questions, and kangaroos...oh my

:: the greatest church sign ever ::

:: letterman style ::

the strange silence of my private prayers...

they can't teach these things.

:: preparing for lent...for the remedy ::

this just in: the government ushers in heaven

an interesting quote nobody wants to hear...

lectures, questions, and chimps...oh my.

enough said :: Christmas experiences (part 3 of 5)

the art of evangelism (santa style) :: Christmas experiences (part 2 of 5)

it's the small things in life that make me happy....

we need to get this thing passed now!

the Gormong/Engebretson ping pong tournament :: Christmas experiences (part 1 of 5)

Queen Hannah the Innocent I

quick update...

It's Christmas Time in the City!

losing it: and all this time we thought it was "them" who were crazy

tis' the season to be jolly...

:: please pray ::

more political thoughts...after the fact

now we'll see.

"it is a sin not to vote"

the next presidentS of the united states of america

:: reading past the quotation marks ::

why i should run for president...

this is how _ _ start...